george carlin – a modern man lyrics
i am a modern man
a man for the millennium
digital and smoke free
a diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is politically, anatomically and ecologically incorrect
i’ve been up linked and downloaded
i’ve been inputted and outsourced
i know the upside of downsizing
i know the downside of upgrading
i’m a high-tech low-life
a cutting edge state-of-the-art
bi-coastal
multi-tasker and i can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond
i’m new wave, but i’m old school
and my inner child is outward bound
i’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable
i interface with my database
my database is in cybersp-ce
so i’m interactive, i’m hyperactive and from time to time i’m radioactive
behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve
ridin’ the wave, dodgin’ the bullet and pushin the envelope
i’m on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs
i’ve got no need for c-ke and speed
i’ve got no urge to binge and purge
i’m in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar
a high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary
a street-wise smart bomb
a top-gun bottom feeder
i wear power ties, i tell power lies
i take power naps and run victory laps
i’m a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach
a raging workaholic, a working rageaholic
out of rehab and in denial!
i’ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal -ssistant and a personal agenda
you can’t shut me up, you can’t dumb me down
because i’m tireless and i’m wireless
i’m an alpha male on beta-blockers
i’m a non-believer and an over-achiever
laid-back but fashion-forward
up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-maintenance
super-sized, long-lasting
high-definition, fast-acting
oven-ready and built-to-last
i’m a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case pretty maturely post-traumatic
and i’ve got a love-child that sends me hate mail
but i’m feeling, i’m caring
i’m healing, i’m sharing — a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver
my output is down, but my income is up
i took a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash flow
i read junk mail, i eat junk food
i buy junk bonds and i watch trash sports
i’m gender specific
, capital intensive, user-friendly and
lactose intolerant
i like rough s-x
i use the “f” word in my emails
and the software on my hard-drive is hardcore–no soft p-rn
i bought a microwave at a mini-mall
i bought a mini-van at a mega-store
i eat fast-food in the slow lane
i’m toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and i come in all sizes
a fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically-formulated medical miracle
i’ve been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed
and, i have an unlimited broadband capacity
i’m a rude dude, but i’m the real deal
c-cked, locked and ready-to-rock
rough, tough and hard to bluff
i take it slow, i go with the flow
i ride with the tide, i’ve got glide in my stride
drivin and movin’, sailin’ and spinnin’, jivin’ and groovin’, wailin’ and winnin’
i don’t snooze, so i don’t lose
i keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road
i party hearty and lunch time is crunch time
i’m hangin’ in there ain’t no doubt
and i’m hangin’ tough, over and out!
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