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jon lajoie – fuck everything lyrics

yo, other rappers claim to not give a f-ck
well, step aside, b-tches
cause i give the lowest amount of f-ck humanly possible

(i don’t give a f-ck)
about anything, f-ck everyone and f-ck everything
(i don’t give a f-ck)
i literally don’t give a f-ck about anything

i don’t give a f-ck about motherf-ckin’ anything
people care about sh-t, i say, “f-ck everything”
f-ck you, f-ck me, f-ck the sky, f-ck trees
f-ck the sun, i don’t need heat or vitamin d
and f-ck toasters, i don’t need to cook my bread
and f-ck coasters, i use a little plate instead
and f-ck roosters, with your useless c-ck-a-doodle-doo
we invented alarm clocks, we no longer need you
don’t give a f-ck about chairs, i prefer to stand
and f-ck air conditioners, i got a ceiling fan
and f-ck the movie “the fan”, starring wesley snipes
“demolition man’s” the only snipes movie i like
and f-ck likin’ sh-t, i don’t even like the stuff that i like
don’t give a f-ck about not likin’ all the sh-t i don’t like
like tissues, f-ck ’em, i’ll blow my nose on the couch
and f-ck my nostrils and my sense of smell, i breathe through my mouth
don’t give a f-ck about seeing, b-tch, f-ck my eyes
f-ck visual perception, yo, i’d rather be blind
and f-ck time, seconds are too short and minutes are a joke
and hours are way too long, they should be half-an-hour at most
and f-ck coasts, don’t give a f-ck about where water meets land
and f-ck boats, just cause you float, you think you’re so f-ckin’ bad?
and f-ck jokes, i don’t need to be funny all the time
my dog has a tumor and he’s probably gonna die, but

(i don’t give a f-ck)
about anything, f-ck everyone and f-ck everything
(i don’t give a f-ck)
i literally don’t give a f-ck about anything

walked into a coffeeshop and ordered a cup
the girl said, “small, medium, large?” i said, “b-tch, i don’t give a
f-ck!”
she said, “i can’t process your order if you don’t pick a size”
i said, “fine, i’ll take a large, but i still don’t give a f-ck, alright!”
don’t give a f-ck about beverage size options, motherf-cker
and i don’t give a f-ck about liquids either
they’re all wet and sh-t and tend to spill all over the place
like human s-m-n when i get it all over my face
i’m not gay, i just don’t give a f-ck about straight s-x
and f-ck my d-ck, i’ll pee and c-m out of my mouth instead
and f-ck biological functions, f-ck the human body
i prefer the body of bat and the head of a coyote
i call myself “batyodi” and i fight crime at night
i know it’s similar to batman, but motherf-ck copyright
i plagiarize all the time, i do it everyday
cause i’m on the right track, baby, i was born this way
and f-ck birth, enterin’ the world of sp-ce and time is a b-tch
searchin’ for purpose in the random universe sucks d-ck
is it deterministic or am i free to choose my way?
did i choose to not give a f-ck about ice cube trays?
if i want ice, i’ll go to the f-ckin’ corner store and buy a bag
fillin’ you up and waitin’ for the water to freeze is a motherf-ckin’ drag
you know what? f-ck the word f-ck, i don’t need to use it
i’ll replace it with the word “chainsaw” for this chorus

(i don’t give a chainsaw)
about anything, chainsaw everyone and chainsaw everything
(i don’t give a chainsaw)
i literally don’t give a chainsaw ’bout anything

if there were a contest to see who doesn’t give a f-ck the most
i wouldn’t win cause i don’t give a f-ck about winnin’, yo
and don’t even give a f-ck about not givin’ a f-ck
so i do give a f-ck – wait, what?

(i give a f-ck)
about everything, i love everyone and care ’bout everything
(i give a f-ck)
i literally care about every motherf-ckin’ thing

- jon lajoie lyrics

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