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18 miles – theatre lyrics

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my hands are shaking as i hold this pen, full of angst
i’m just scared to write this down, but terrified to scream this out loud
when my thoughts roll off my tongue, i can not take them back
but the moment i choose to discard, i’m just lying to myself

i’m not the man i intended to be
– no –

sometimes i forget we all wear masks
for the lines have been drawn where in-between we must balance
the paths we walk are approved through an open script
the world’s your stage, kid
knock ’em dead, knock ’em dead, kid

but when the curtain falls and the stage light dims, nothings left but an empty room
so are we both characters, forced to take part in this lifelong play?

the flower; the flame; the hammer; the curse
they’re inside my head and i need all to endure
when one polar’s missing there’s no push nor a pull
and i’m the ruler when for when they shine through

so i’ll just quit concealing it with pity poetry and metaphors and say it like it is:
everything bad that ever happened to me was my own f-cking fault