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• abbott costello - who's on first lyrics

abbott costello - who's on first lyrics

who’s on first? by abbott and costello
abbott: how do you…how do you like my lawn club for st. lou?
costello: hey, all those people gonna be at the game today?
abbott: certainly.
costello: ah, this is gonna be a whopper of a game!
abbott: well it should be.
costello: hey, abbott…
abbott: what?
costello: i understand they made you the manager of this here whole great team.
abbott: why not?
costello: so you the manager?
abbott: i’m the manager!
costello: well, you know, i’d like to know some of the guys’ names on the team so when i meet ‘em on the street or in the ballpark i’ll be able to say, “h-llo,” to those people.
abbott: why sure i’ll introduce you to the boys. they give ‘em funny names though, st. lou.
costello: oh i know they give those ball players awful funny names.
abbott: well, let’s see, on the team we have uh who’s on first, what’s on second, i don’t know is on third…
costello: are you the manager?
abbott: yes.
costello: you know the guys’ names?
abbott: i sure do.
costello: then tell me the guys’ names.
abbott: i say, who’s on first, what’s on second, i don’t know’s on third and then you…
costello: you the manager?
abbott: yes.
costello: you know the guys’ names?
abbott: i’m telling you their names!
costello: well who’s on first?
abbott: yeah.
costello: go ahead and tell me.
abbott: who.
costello: the guy on first.
abbott: who.
costello: the guy playin’ first base.
abbott: who.
costello: the guy on first.
abbott: who is on first!
costello: what are you askin’ me for? i’m askin’ you!
abbott: i’m not asking you, i’m telling you.
costello: you ain’t tellin’ me nothin’. i’m askin’ you, who’s on first?
abbott: that’s it!
costello: well go ahead and tell me.
abbott: who!
costello: the guy on first base.
abbott: that’s his name.
costello: that’s whose name?
abbott: yes.
costello: well go ahead and tell me.
abbott: that’s the man’s name!
costello: that’s whose name?
abbott: yeah!
costello: well go ahead and tell me!
abbott: who is on first.
costello: what are you askin’ me for? i’m askin’ you, who’s on first?
abbott: that’s it.
costello: well go ahead and tell me.
abbott: who.
costello: the guy on first.
abbott: that’s it.
costello: what’s the guy’s name on first?
abbott: no, what’s on second.
costello: i’m not askin’ you who’s on second!
abbott: who’s on first.
costello: that’s what i’m askin’ you! who’s on first?
abbott: now wait a minute. don’t…don’t change the players.
costello: i’m not changin’ n-body! i asked you a simple question. what’s the guys’ name on first base?
abbott: what’s the guy’s name on second base.
costello: i’m not askin’ you who’s on second!
abbott: who’s on first.
costello: i don’t know.
abbott: he’s on third. now we’re not talking about him.
costello: look, you got a first baseman?
abbott: yes.
costello: then tell me the fella’s name playin’ first.
abbott: who.
costello: the guy playin’ first.
abbott: that’s his name.
costello: wait…what’s the guy’s name on first base?
abbott: what is the guy’s name on second base!
costello: who’s playin’ second?
abbott: who’s playin’ first.
costello: i don’t know.
abbott: he’s on third base.
costello: look, when you pay off the first baseman every month, who do you pay the money to?
abbott: every dollar of it.
costello: yeah. look, you gotta pay the money to somebody on first base, don’t you?
abbott: yeah.
costello: does he give you a receipt?
abbott: sure.
costello: how does he sign the receipt?
abbott: who.
costello: the guy that you give the money to.
abbott: who.
costello: the guy you give the money to.
abbott: that’s how he signs it.
costello: that’s how who signs it?
abbott: yes.
costello: well go ahead and tell me!? abbott: that’s it.
costello: that’s who?
abbott: yeah.
costello: when you give the guy the money, doesn’t he have to sign the receipt?
abbott: he does!
costello: well how does he sign his name?
abbott: who.
costello: the guy you give the money to.
abbott: that’s how he signs it!
costello: you! you…you just don’t give money to someone without having ‘em sign the receipt!
abbott: no! who signs it.
costello: what are you askin’ me for?
abbott: now calm down. i’m not asking you, i am telling you. the…
costello: well go ahead and tell me. what’s the guy’s name that signs the receipt on first base?
abbott: well now wait a minute. what signs his own receipt.
costello: who signs his own receipt?
abbott: no, who signs his.
costello: i’m askin’ you, when the guy on first base gives you a piece of paper…
abbott: yes, now wait…
costello: …he puts his name on it.
abbott: no, who puts his name on it…
costello: how…
abbott: …and what puts his name on it…
costello: how does the fella’s name on first base look to you when he signs his name?
abbott: who.
costello: to you.
abbott: that’s how it does.

costello: how does it look to you?
abbott: who!
costello: to you.
abbott: who!
costello: to you.
abbott: who! look…
costello: when the guy signs his name, how does it look to you?
abbott: now that’s how it looks. who.
costello: h—how…who?
abbott: who.
costello: i’m askin’ you. what’s the guy’s name on first base you give the money to?
abbott: who! after all, the man’s ent-tled to it…
costello: who is?
abbott: yes. sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
costello: whose wife?
abbott: yeah, sure.
costello: all i’m tryin’ to find out is what’s the guy’s name on first base…
abbott: what is on second base.
costello: i’m not askin’ you who’s on second.
abbott: who’s on first.
costello: i don’t know.
abbott: he’s…
costello: third base, i know.
abbott: yeah.
costello: you got a outfield?
abbott: sure.
costello: the left fielder’s name?
abbott: why.
costello: i just thought i’d ask you.
abbott: well i just thought i’d tell you.
costello: the left fielder’s name?
abbott: why!? costello: hmm…because!
abbott: oh, he’s centerfield.
costello: oh…
abbott: told you all these players got…
costello: all i’m tryin’ to figure out is what’s the guy’s name in leftfield.
abbott: now, what’s on second.
costello: i’m not askin’ you who’s on second.
abbott: who’s on first.
costello: i don’t know…
both: third base.
costello: you got a pitcher on this team?
abbott: wouldn’t be a fine team without a pitcher.
costello: what’s his name?
abbott: tomorrow.
costello: you don’t want to tell me today?
abbott: i’m telling you.
costello: then go ahead.
abbott: tomorrow!? costello: what time?
abbott: what time what?
costello: what time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who’s pitching?
abbott: now listen. who is not…
costello: i’ll break your arm, you say who’s on first! i want to know what’s the pitcher’s name?
abbott: what’s on second.
costello: i don’t know.
both: third base!
costello: you got a catcher?
abbott: sure.
costello: the catcher’s name?
abbott: today.
costello: today. you don’t wanna tell me, today…tomorrow…do you?
abbott: i’m telling you.
costello: so the catcher’s name?
abbott: today.
costello: today. and tomorrow’s pitching.
abbott: now you’ve got it!
costello: now i’ve got it…
abbott: hey!
costello: all we got is a couple of days on the team!
abbott: well i can’t help that.
costello: all right. you know now, i’m a good catcher. now, i get behind the plate and…and tomorrow’s pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up.
abbott: yes.
costello: now when he gets up, me being a good catcher, i’m gonna throw the guy out at first base. so the guy bunts the ball. i pick up the ball; i’m gonna throw the guy out at first base. so i pick up the ball and throw it to who?
abbott: now that’s the first thing you’ve said right.
costello: i don’t even know what i’m talkin’ about!
abbott: well that’s…that’s all you have…
costello: that’s all i have to do is to throw the ball to first base. now who’s got it?
abbott: naturally. now you’ve got it.
costello: i throw the ball to first base, somebody’s gotta get the ball! now who’s got it?
abbott: naturally.
costello: who?
abbott: naturally.
costello: naturally?
abbott: naturally.
costello: so i pick up the ball and i throw it to naturally.
abbott: no, no, no, no…
costello: he gets the ball. naturally gets the ball and…nat—
abbott: you throw the ball to first base.
costello: then who gets it?
abbott: naturally.
costello: so i pick up the ball and i throw it to naturally.
abbott: no!
costello: naturally gets the ball and…and…
abbott: you throw the ball to who.
costello: naturally.
abbott: naturally.
costello: that’s what i’m saying!? abbott: you’re not saying it…
costello: i said, i throw the ball to naturally.
abbott: no you don’t!
costello: i throw it to who?
abbott: naturally.
costello: that’s what i’m saying!
abbott: no it isn’t.
costello: i throw the ball to first base, somebody’s gotta get it.
abbott: so who gets it.
costello: naturally.
abbott: that’s it.
costello: okay. now i ask you, who gets it?
abbott: naturally.
costello: same as you!
abbott: now listen…
costello: i throw the ball to naturally.
abbott: you throw the ball to who!? costello: then who gets it?
abbott: naturally.
costello: he better get it! so i throw the ball to first base.
abbott: all right.
costello: whoever gets it drops the ball and the guy runs to second. now, who picks up the ball and throws it to what. what throws it to i don’t know. i don’t know throws it back to tomorrow, triple play.
abbott: could be.
costello: another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to because.
abbott: yes.
costello: why? i don’t know! he’s on third and i don’t give a darn!
abbott: what’d you say?
costello: i said, i don’t give a darn!
abbott: oh, that’s our shortstop!

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