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abril spring - this is not a love song (i blame myself) lyrics

[chorus]
why am i so emotional?
you know i hate to cry
hate it as much as i do it
hate it as much as you do it

and why is it so horrifying to
hear you scream?
and who am i lying to?
i wrote this scene you were just playing
yeah we are just… playing
[verse 1]
this is not a love song
this is a love letter
just played music in the back
cause this way it reads better
this is not art
what i create is chaos
it ended dinasours era see?
just like halsey and heathers
card on each one of my hands
the queen of hearts and the joker
decided to become friends
started betting heart at poker
(making a fool of myself)

beating heart when i ain’t sober
an alcoholic and doper
cardiac arrest then it’s over
death gets the soul higher quicker
of course i died in october
rio corpse i’m getting closer
demons in each of my shoulders
sell it to the higher bidder
trynna get ahold of life
i just revived, joke is on you
now i’m back, stronger my talent
death restored my mental balance
set no store on my recovery
now i adore life but soon will be
wishing i’d die this bipolar me
relapses that’s three of em’s cd’s
not into raris and royces
my life has a bigger purpose
no gucci slides but i slide
in your mind like i’m a porpoise
for this i’m really sorry
for anybody i invited to my pity party
hate drama but can’t live without it
you’d think that once you hit rock bottom
there is only going up
but when you hit it twice a day
you start to feel like giving up
getting back on your feet
is just as hard as growing up
or just as hard as the d+ck
you’re trynna throat and not throw up
[chorus]
why am i so emotional?
you know i hate to cry
hate it as much as i do it
hate it as much as you do it

and why is it so horrifying to
hear you scream?
and who am i lying to?
i wrote this scene you were just playing
yeah we are just…

[verse 2]
back to this love sh+t i am
played till i found you and then
folded my hand just cause man
this was no longer a game
i was no longer a player
tapped into my deepest layer
mardy bum like lsp
but couldn’t be on your radar
you ptsd like ex+soldier
but spirit free like a toddler
and you’re not shrek but you wreck
my p+ssy like you’re an ogre
always on lsd and vulgar
swallow your rain it ain’t purple
we work together like clockwork
magical like out of hogwarts
rolling this blunt i’m just kidding
already smoked it now feeling
high as a feather but once
i get down i’m cruel as leather
because
the higher the high, the lower the low
when no longer on dope
i lose all control, hate myself and
want to sabotage me as a whole
won’t let me attach to anyone should be alone
twenty one pilots, i’m feeling like tyler
creator, suicidal but gaining hope
bit by bit, go and treat you like sh+t
then admit that i did, you should just move on
break up with me please
deserve better than this f+cking crazy ass b+tch
but please just know
(please just know)

that even when it’s difficult
you never walk away
when i argue, when i hate you
is when i need for you to stay
i go cry and you go crey
cause don’t know what to f+cking say
i’m so f+cking broken babe
i love you’s ain’t enough to mend
and my heart is in the right place
but my head’s on the wrong sp+ce
already devoted all my faith
cause a good omen to your grace
amen thank all of the gods
that crossed you into my way
wasn’t religious before
now you’re the god that i praise

[outro]
swear to love you on all the gods
though i know how useless that’d be
so i’m just swearing by you
only god of my idolatry

get you up on my family tree
i give my love and my life to thee
for free
agree?

- abril spring lyrics

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