abrupt decay - dyspnea lyrics
locked away
in a chastity belt of casual s+x
my mind is a mess and i think that it’s time to put it to rest
i hate that i’d be a bed for you but not for myself
as a crippling chill covers me i’m f+cking stressed
it’s a shaking, a screaming, a feeling of dread
shame that will not leave me till i cease to exist
it shoots up my back to the base of my neck
giving hold for the rope that i’ll hang myself with
i am nothing but my failures
conquered in a bedroom of sin and regret
i look for a sign to heal me
drown me in the exudate that effuses my chest
i speak only in tongues of deceit
dyspneic
seizing
adult
t++thing
let me
cave in
no more
breathing
and here i stand
face to face with what i’ve always been
a god+fearing m+s+ch+st
from a latter+day suffered upbringing
guilty, shameful, snapped like a twig
symmetry in motion of self hate dehisced
and you’re someone i couldn’t care about
caught in the mix
guilty, shameful, you’ll never learn
i’ll never learn
i am not a man
i am not a home
i am a black hole
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