adam sandler - toll booth willie lyrics
toll booth willie
[car approaches]
[toll booth willie:] “welcome to worchester. dollar twenty-five please.”
[m1:] “hey, how ya doin’ toll booth willie?”
[toll booth willie:] “good! thanks fer askin, pop!”
[m1:] “aww, that’s great, you know, considering yer a f-ckin’ idiot!”
[pays toll and drives off]
[toll booth willie:] “go f-ck yourself you son of a b-tch!
i’ll come right outta the booth and f-ckin’ whack ya, you f-ckin’ pr-ck!”
[another car approaches]
[m2:] “hey, hey, willie! hows it going?”
[toll booth willie:] “hey, can’t complain, pop. hows ’bout you?”
[m2:] “oh, great, great. how much?”
[toll booth willie:] “the state charges a dollar twenty-five, pop.”
[m2:] “that’s fine. now should i give you the money,
or should i shove the quarters directly up your fat -ss!?”
[pays toll and drives off]
[toll booth willie:] “why you f-ckin’ hard on!
i’ll f-cking carlton fisk yer f-ckin’ head with a louise-ville f-ckin’ slugger!
whadya think of that -ss f-ck!?”
[another car approaches]
[f1:] “hi willie.”
[toll booth willie:] “oh, nice to see ya m’am. not a bad day, huh?”
[f1:] “well, i’m a little lost. could you help me out?
i hear your the best with directions.”
[toll booth willie:] “well i know my way around new england.
i can tell ya that much. so where ya headed?”
[f1:] “well, i was just wondering exactly which is the best way
to drive up your -ss. you know, if you’d tell me,
i’d appreciate it, you f-ckin’ pr-ck.”
[drives off]
[toll booth willie:] “you f-ckin’ b-tch! f-ck you!
you forgot to pay the f-ckin’ toll you dirty wh-r-!
i’ll f-ckin’ drop you with a boot to the f-ckin’ skull you c-m guzzling queen!”
[another car approaches]
[m3:] “hey willie.”
[toll booth willie:] “hey, how are ya?”
[m3:] “here’s a dollar twenty-five, and go f-ck yourself.”
[pays toll and drives off]
[toll booth willie:] “dah, you f-ckin’ pr-ck!
i hope you choke on a f-ckin’ bottle cap, ya f-ckin’ son of a f-ck!
eat sh-t! eat my sh-t!”
[another car approaches]
[bishop nelson:] “h-llo willie. good to see you.”
[toll booth willie:] “ahhh, bishop nelson. nice to see ya.
that was quite a sermon you had the other day.”
[bishop nelson:] “hey, well i do my best.”
[toll booth willie:] “dollar twenty-five, bishop.”
[bishop nelson:] “dollar twenty-five,
willie. isn’t that the same price your mother charges for a bl-w j-b,
you piece of dog sh-t!?”
[pays toll and drives off]
[toll booth willie:] “ohhh! have another one, you f-ckin’ lush!
it’s not my fault the bartender cut ya off last night ya f-ckin’ douche bag!”
[another car approaches]
[m5:] “hey!”
[toll booth willie:] “well hey!”
[m5:] “yeah, do you want the money,
or should i just shove the quarters directly up your fat -ss!?”
[pays toll and drives off]
[toll booth willie:] “well, i already heard that one you f-ckin’ unoriginal b-st-rd!
go suck a corn you f-ckin’ piece of repeatin’ sh-t!”
[another car approaches]
[f2:] “hi.”
[toll booth willie:] “oh, hi. how are ya?”
[f2:] “fine, thank you. how much is the toll please?”
[toll booth willie:]”for you sweetheart, it’s a dollar twenty-five.”
[f2:] “here ya go.”
[pays toll]
[f2:] “thank you.”
[begins to drive off]
[toll booth willie:] “hey! hey! honey! would you like a receipt with that?”
[f2:] “oh, i almost forgot. thank you so much.”
[toll booth willie scribbling a receipt for her]
[toll booth willie:] “and here ya are.”
[f2:] “umm, do you think you could sign it?”
[toll booth willie:] “oh, uh.. sign it?”
[f2:] “yeah, sign toll booth willie was here.”
[toll booth willie:] “ok, sure. uhh, by the way, what is this for?”
[signing receipt]
[f2:] “just so i could have proof for my friends that
i met the biggest f-ckin’ dip sh-t with the smallest d-ck alive.
you understand.”
[drives off]
[crumples up paper]
[toll booth willie:] “f-ck you, you f-ckin’ upity b-tch!
i’ll f-ckin’ f-ck you and all your lesbian fish-eating friends in front
of your f-ckin’ mothers! you’re gonna die, b-tch! i’m comin’ outta the booth!”
[opens the door and runs out of the booth]
[car screeches and hits him]
[toll booth willie:] “ooooh! my f-ckin’ leg!”
[m6:] “hey! you ran over toll booth willie!”
[m7:] “oh my god! i was always wondering what it would be like to run over a
dried up stinky d-ck licker.”
[toll booth willie:] “why you f-ckin’ pr-cks.
i f-ckin’ hear every f-ckin’ word yer saying!
when this f-ckin’ leg heals,
i’m gonna kick you guys new f-ckin’ -ssholes!
[everyone cussing eachother out]
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