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afroman - crazy rap lyrics

crazy rap

(wait a minute, man. hey, check this out, tell it. it was this blind man, right?
man, check this out- it was this blind man, right?
he was feelin’ his way down the street with this stick, right?
hey. he walked past this fish market, you know what i’m sayin’?
he stopped, he took a deep breath, he said,
woooooo, good morning, ladies.
you like that sh-t, man? hey, man, i got a gang of that sh-t, man.
i tell you what- my man on the guitar, fool on the drums,
everybody just crowd around the mic, i’ll tell you all these m-th–f-ckin’ jokes.
but first, i’ma start it off like this. hey, help me sing it, homeboy.)
colt 45 and two zig zags, baby that’s all we need.
we can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.
and as the marijuana burns we can take our turns, singing them dirty rap songs
stop and hit the bong like cheech and chong, sell tapes from here to hong kong.
so roll, roll, roll my joint. pick out the seeds and stems.
feelin’ high as h-ll flyin’ through palmdale, skatin’ on dayton rims.
so roll, roll the ’83 cadillac coup de ville.
if my tapes and my cds just don’t sell, i bet my caddy will.

well it was just sundown in a small white town. they call it eastside palmdale.
when the afroman walked through the white land, houses went up for sale.
well, i was standin’ on the corner sellin’ rap cds when i met a little girl named jan.
i let her ride in my caddy cause i didn’t know her daddy was the leader of the klu klux klan.
we f-cked on the bed, f-cked on the flo’, f-cked so long, i grew a f-ckin’ afro.
then i f-cked to the left, f-cked to the right. she sucked my d-ck ’til the sh-t turned white.
i thought to myself, sheba, sheba! got my -ss lookin’ like a zebra!
i pulled on my clothes and i was on my way, until her daddy pulled up in a chevrolet.
i ran. i jumped out the back window, but her daddy, he was waitin’ with a 2 x 4.
oh, he beat me to the left, he beat me to the right. the m-th–f-cker whooped my -ss all night.
but i ain’t mad at her prejudiced dad, that’s the best d-mn p-ssy i ever had.
i got a bag of weed and a bottle of wine. i’m a f-ck that b-tch just one more time.

colt 45 and two zig zags, baby that’s all we need.
we can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.
and as the marijuana burns we can take our turns, singing them dirty rap songs
stop and hit the bong like cheech and chong, sell tapes from here to hong kong.
so roll, roll, roll my joint. pick out the seeds and stems.
feelin’ high as h-ll flyin’ through palmdale, skatin’ on dayton rims.
so roll, roll the ’83 cadillac coup de ville.
if my tapes and my cds just don’t sell, i bet my caddy will.

i met this lady in hollywood. she had green hair, but d-mn she looked good.
i took her to my house, cause she was fine, but she whipped out a d-ck that was bigger than mine.
i met this lady from j-pan, never made love with an african.
i f-cked her once, i f-cked her twice. i ate that p-ssy like shrimp fried rice.
don’t be amazed at the stories i tell ya. i met a woman in the heart of australia.
had a big b-tt and big t-tties, too, so i hopped in her -ss like a kangaroo.
see, i met this woman from hawaii. stuck it in her -ss, and she said, aiiiiieeee!
lips was breakfast, p-ssy was lunch, then her t-tties busted open with hawaiian punch.
met colonel sander’s wife in the state of kentucky. she said, i’ll fry some chicken if you just f-ck me.
i came in her mouth. it was a crisis. i gave her my secret blend of herbs and spices.

i met dolly parton in tennessee. her t-tties were filled with hennesy.
that country music really drove me crazy, but i rode that -ss and said, yes, miss daisy!
met this lady in oklahoma; put that p-ssy in a coma.
met this lady in michigan; i can’t wait ’til i f-ck that b-tch again.
met a real black girl in south carolina; f-cked her ’til she turned into a white albino.
f-cked this hooker in iowa. i f-cked her on credit, so i owe her.
f-cked this girl, down in georgia; came in her mouth. man, i thought i told ya.
met this beautiful s-xy ho; she just ran cross the border of mexico.
fine young thing, said her name’s maria. i wrapped her up just like a hot tortilla.
i wanna get married, but i can’t afford it. i know i’ma cry when she gets deported.

have you ever went over to a girl’s house to f-ck, but the p-ssy just ain’t no good? (say what?)
and then you’re getting’ upset cause you can’t get her wet, plus you in the wrong neighborhood?
so you try to play it off and eat the p-ssy, but it takes her so long to come (say what?)
then a dude walks in. that’s her big boyfriend, and he asks you where you from? (where you from, man?)
so you wipe your mouth, and you try to explain (i don’t bang.), you start talkin’ real fast.
but he’s already mad, cause you f-ckin’ his woman, so he starts beatin’ on your -ss.
now your clothes all muddy, your nose all bl–dy, your d-ck was hard but now it’s soft. (whut?)
you thought you had a girl to rock your world, now you still gotta go jack off.

colt 45 and two zig zags, baby that’s all we need.
we can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.
[fade out]

- afroman lyrics

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