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afterlife dispatch - i just die slow all the time lyrics

all the time i just die slow
they never listen
bout this agony
got their eye’s froze
ear’s are on mute
inflicted with never hearing each collapsing scream
i don’t want them to
i cry as my fear grow
they consume me
you never noticed it
you always never see true me
he always fell apart
never the person you thought he was filled to the brim with
condemned scar’s

every time i look in the mirror i’m less whole
c ptsd got me regretful
failing to bit’s in the negative just like the threshold on my compressed vocal’s
negative 28 just so you know
and i’m very vocal about pessimistic increment’s
that remain dormant and hidden
until i bring it out (in each song since it’s a coping mechanism)
on a page
not mean’t to live
deal with old blurred flashback’s
from traumatic predicament’s
and acid tab’s help through tormented abyss’s
as i loose my grip
and memory’s come in distorted picture’s
and i can’t even see normal again
but honestly
what is normal?
nothing at all
that’s why i drink this liquor
and morbid hateful people
left their mark
chronically diagnosed with engraved pain in my heart
where is the peace i want to grab hold of
as i drag my hand’s up this mountain
staggering in a landslide
despair is all ive felt as of late
and demise
walk at night
left to die
and they say i was the king
but in my eye’s i never was
if it was true
i wonder where my crown went ‘
i’m a n0body
i always have been

got vision’s of my manikin
looking body in a casket
deceased from downer’s

my brain’s f+cked
i break up into bits of nothingness
i can’t visualize sh+t
cause the loading screen is stagnant internally within my brain
the software seem’s to fail
it’s like always
lifeless closed eyelid’s for me is what i wish
you couldn’t decode this pain with the lyrics
you still couldn’t fathom
each piece to this puzzle
no solution for each struggle i face
especially the hurt from being betrayed
i need to meet a noose quick
if you don’t believe me just for a second
try to imagine being left 4 dead with no valve (left 4 dead since valve made left 4 dead double entendre wordplay)
just my heart being squished
by a malfunctioning bad company
their always around
and i cope by smoking backwood’s
need stress relief
maybe a good laugh could knock out the hurt
that’s why i hit this weed
before i’m lost in dirt,detained in earth’s prison (aka being buried underground and dead in casket)
with centipede’s crawling all over me
when i say me
i mean my skeleton
and h+ll has been
in my brain for too long
don’t be suprised
when i leave basically
pull an eminem
(eminem song lyric reference)and “when i’m gone”
“just carry on”
i’ve got the same wave length as him
now i abate from shrink process
now relapse’s till i’m ashes
only from here on out got progress
despite me falling
all the time i just die slow
they never listen bout this agony
got their eye’s froze
ear’s on mute
just like eye’s wide shut (abstract simile movie reference)
or like “watching movie’s with the sound off” (mac miller reference to his legendary masterpiece album)

that’s why i got psychedelic’s
they might come in clutch
summon some peace
within this rut
as they proceed with never hearing each
collapsing scream
i don’t want them to
i cry as my fear grow’s
they consume me and you never noticed it
you never see the true me
he always felt apart
never the person you thought he was (“he” was talking about me
and i wrote it like that to make it more unique)
you might as well say “who’s he”
cause the old me is dead
actually i’ve never been happy
and i’m attacked and depressed

(the all the time i just die slow repeats but acapella and slowed

- afterlife dispatch lyrics

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