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alex horne & the horne section - children say the funniest things lyrics

[sung by will collier and alex h+rne]

i’m all out of luck, i can’t pick up this book
but that’s because your sitting on the book
the bus, the bus, why don’t you let me go on?
but that bus is on the television
that’s why i cry

crayola is the name of the brand
but i can’t fit every crayon into my hand
i don’t wanna eat bread (i haven’t offered you bread)
i can’t find my rubber duck (it’s on your head)
toddlers will cry
we’ll never know why

i want to paint my nails (then what’s the complaint?)
i’ve painted my nails but i want more nails to paint
you’ve cut your nails, they look really neat
but i want to reattach the nails to my feet
that’s why i cry

you flushed the toilet (yes that’s the sort of thing i do)
but i didn’t get to say goodbye to my poo
why won’t you let me have a bath?
but you’ve literally just stepped out of the bath
toddlers will cry
we’ll never know why
i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry
i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry
i’m sorry that you can’t eat the cheese stick
that you’ve already eaten, i’m sorry
i’m sorry that i couldn’t turn off the sun
in order to light up your pumpkin
i’m sorry that you have to get out of the toilet
i’m sorry but you can’t wee on stonehenge
i’m sorry that you can’t hold the banister
and a cereal box at the same time
i’m sorry i stirred your yoghurt
i’m sorry that you can’t hold your own poo in your hands
i’m sorry
i’m sorry but you can’t eat a battery
run into the road, eat rubbish from the bin
or eat the cat or eat a bath bomb
or drink the chemicals from under the sink
i’m sorry you can’t wipe my bum
or use the toothbrush dropped into the toilet
or wear your dirty pants as a hat

- alex horne the horne section lyrics

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