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alexis - skeletons lyrics

[verse]
you wanna know where i’ve been the last four months?
i’ve been bouncing around between states
turning down record deals, cause they’re only looking for s-x appeal
and it’s not worth it anyway
third street and main, i popped a klonopin to f-cking relax
every time he says my name, it doesn’t register, i just stare back
and i’ve been searching for deeper meaning and tonight i didn’t find it, just another night at a bar watching people get fake lit
and i got a boy back home, but i know i’m gonna leave him
i need to do some sh-t to make him run away
my heart is damaged from bringing him pain, but it’s like an addiction
i can never stay, don’t know why i’m this way
but i’ll be d-mned if i’m the one with my heart broken in the end
he texts me, i don’t reply, just say it never sent
read receipts off, he doesn’t know where i’m at
i never cheat, but i’ll admit that sometimes i flirt back
this problem stems from trust issues with my ex
and you say that’s an excuse, and maybe it is but i’ll run with it until it’s wrecked
he loved me so much and he doesn’t know what love is
and i don’t think that i do anymore either
i don’t wanna be someone’s cheerleader, i don’t wanna be someone’s mom
and that’s how i felt when i was with him, i wish him the best and deep down he knows i’m still in love with him
how many exes do i have? four maybe
i remember closing my eyes, hearing them whisper “baby”
and they all took a piece of my heart, which is why it’s now non-existent
so i f-cked an insurance agent until he fell in love with me, and then i ghosted him cause i didn’t wanna listen to how much i hurt him
we’re all alone in the end, we just all need to not pretend
and mistakes from my past cause me so much anxiety
i’m in the back seat of my cousins car sobbing so hard i can’t see
i just wanna break it all down for you and explain that the music is the only f-cking thing that kept me sane
hurt too many people in the process of finding myself
at this rate i’m just praying i don’t go to h-ll
not to make excuses, but i’m not the only one to blame
ever since b.b. called me to say he’s sorry
and i screamed and said i didn’t believe him
if he truly loved me, then why’d he leave then?
why do these boys from my past still haunt me?
how come when i’m high at midnight i just want jordan to apologize?
how come when i drive by ty and i’s old place i wanna stop by?
is it my fault for excepting too much? did i just draw the short end of the straw?
the sweetest boy i ever knew is in love with me and i ignore him at all times cause i don’t wanna be happy
he’s innocent and pure, and honestly i’m shady
i know what i am, i know i can’t commit right now
he doesn’t understand that cause he wants to settle down
and i guess i’m at that age where boys a few years older than me are peaking
boys my age are down to f-ck, and if they’re dating someone, they’re probably cheating
i remember once i had a one night stand when i was down south
his roommate came in and watched us, i can still taste his mouth
i’m letting all my skeletons out of the closet, i’m the one that k!lled them in the first place
if i had a choice i’d let them escape and then i’d run away
one day i’m gonna make it, that i swear
all the men from my past better beware
because for the sake of art and healing, i have to tell the stories
i know it brings pain, shame, and heartbreak, but it also brings glory
the one that i truly loved hates me anyway
he’s always searching for my replacement, but he’ll use them and he’ll never stay
i drove to highway 64, exited by frontenac
pulled into my exes apartment and d-mn near knocked on the door, before i realized the boy i knew isn’t the same as before
girls if i could preach one thing, it’s don’t get involved too young
you’ll end up like me, constantly intoxicated, writing sad songs
i’ll admit you’ll like the thrill of the chase and pushing people away
but the destruction isn’t worth it, and the memories won’t go away
and while i’d like to forget my past, i can’t change it
i’d like to stop crying when i reminisce, i’d like for my apologies to resonate with these men but i guess i’ll have to give it more time
for too many of them i took a part of their lives
and i wonder if they’ll listen
rolla, vegas, st. charles, springfield, bloomington, ellisville, mount vernon
all you boys, i know you’ve heard this
i’m sorry but i can’t change what i can’t change, you’ll always wish that i would’ve stayed
i’ll always wish i didn’t play these games
hate me all you want, block me, delete the photos of us
but i’m in your soul, i will never leave, i just can’t be replace
and you say you don’t care, but i dare you to come say it to my face
tell me you hate me one more time, tell me how much i ruined your life
come and tell me, you won’t i know
that’s fine, i don’t need you to pretend your over me
i’ll shove you along with the memories back in to my closet and i’ll light a fire to it

- alexis lyrics

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