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algy lord gray - giraffe song lyrics

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mrs. bertier:
is the fire warm enough, dear?

bertie:
no, why not throw on a couple more kilowatts?

mrs. bertier:
look, do you have to put your feet on that pouf?
my mother gave him to us

bertie:
well that’s as good a reason as any

mrs. bertier:
i know you don’t like mother but

bertie:
don’t like mother? ha
wouldn’t cross the road to p+ss on her if she was on fire

mrs. bertier:
and don’t swear, it’s not nice

bertie:
don’t you think it’s about time we fed the seal?
mrs. bеrtier:
you and your bl++dy seal
if we’d had childrеn

bertie:
oh christ, don’t start that again

mrs. bertier:
it’s not much to ask of a man

bertie:
oh god, i, i’m going up the pub

bertie:
um, i’ll have a whisky, please
uh, a large one, please

man in pub:
oh now that’ll teach you to muck about with my wife

narrator:
this strange occurrence of being struck on the face
by a complete stranger for doing something he hasn’t
precipitates a crisis in bertie
he looks at himself and sees that he must find
some sort of direction in life
bertie:
i must seek the truth
i know, i’ll go and see one of them guru fellas
what is the meaning of life, your lordliness?

guru:
praise my scorn

have you ever seen a giraffe that didn’t laugh?
have you ever seen a vole in a fruit bowl?
have you ever seen a gnu you thought you knew?
don’t you cry cos neither have i

have you ever seen a banana that wasn’t bent?
have you ever seen a landlord who’d pay his own rent?
have you ever seen a man who’d understand?
don’t you cry cos neither have i

- algy lord gray lyrics

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