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amzbdt - soldier lyrics

[verse 1]
so what the f+ck i’m doing
giving ammo to the enemy before we even ready for the trenches
family breaking down because we listened to the noise
what happened to the days when we was all just some boys
playing dress up with our storiеs
i feel like i’m f+cking abstract, i’m living on this island in the dirt
tonya feeling so spot on, it hurts
trading fame any day for a quiеt texas place and a barbeque plate
and when they look at you as idol how you know what should you say
how i’m ‘sposed to tell my brother with these marks on my face?
and now i’m hearing it so much maybe i am the disgrace
i wanna hit a bottle just to fill the empty sp+ce

[hook]
i’m so sick of fake sh+t being sicced onto my brothers
i’m so sick of middle manning, man i told em
i can’t breathe got this pressure on my shoulders
’cause i told my own truth, mom, i swore that i told her
[verse 2]
i think its my fault that you went down with pride
all because i tried to empathize and take your side
is it my fault that my family ain’t trust me
because i blocked a social homicide defending your lies
when i believed that there was heart behind your picket line
hiding paradigms, i waited for a reason
screaming through these days in my car, i’m feeling paralyzed
you never saw this sh+t from my side, but keep pretending i’m gloating
but really, these 139 have hurt me deeper than they realize
been tryna break apart my feelings, i’d be lying if i said i didn’t miss you guys
it hurts my heart, deep in my soul, i’m dying
i can’t accept what i been told y’all vying for

[verse 3]
and by him, i mean god, i know i got some sins on me
that song done prolonged, i wish that i could vent without it feeling wrong
or relying on rhymes, there’s no more angels in the sky
i can set that aside, if you let me write you
saying, “hey, i’m sorry, really miss you
do you think about that couch
that first time when i kissed you?
do you dwell atop those feelings
double timing two
dropping all that they got so they could pick you
meanwhile, you just pick and choose
jump around, attention vampire
leech it out and run, a girl is gun
brother taught me bite my tongue
but i’m so 50/50, will it really matter
if i tell you that i love you still
cause i love you still.”
[bridge]
and priya told me i ain’t even wrong for that
toxic gets you f+cked up in a way, you can’t recov’ from that
told me how they get you, find the trusting, break them clean in two
she read right through you, the family issues, ‘tachment to the whole crew
and johnny taught me empathy a b+tch if you let it bite
i was looking back to then in the wrong light
he told me some are just evil, don’t let them land a hit right
they’ll always find a way to get you, pick a better fight
alyssa gave me something i can’t pay back
she sat by, when i was close to having panic attacks
sat by while i was hopeless and alone, made sure i never felt it
kept me on the phone so i could sleep and grow past it
and kyra gave me solace from that guilty f+cking conscience
cause no one man should have to blame himself for what happened
besides, who woulda known, a summer rebound almost morphing
to what took our careers down

[outro]
i think i’ve answered it for myself now
i’m not a bad person, nor am i a good one
and no one is
see, i’m just trying to survive, trying to keep my life going
i’m not manipulative, i’ve been manipulated
i gave trust, i really tried, but i overcorrected on it
about my vices, never relied on them
i drank once to try and help me find myself and how i felt
it didn’t help, i cried to lex on facetime about you
but i don’t remember anything so did it help?
i don’t think so
and with my influences, it don’t matter
i think we’re happier than ever, we got sh+t coming down the line
and i have considered every connection, every link, every grievance
and i’m settled that i’ve found some f+ckin’ for lifes
so f+ck a ‘wrong type’
i don’t think there’s wrong with me

- amzbdt lyrics

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