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andrew rannells & josh gad – schlimmer! lyrics

[doug as narrator, spoken]
act one, scene one: schlimmer, germany. a german town full of german things, like sausages and short pants. gutenberg walks down the dirt streets of this medieval ‘berg and encounters a woman and her daughter on the way to market. they’re carrying kraut++saur kraut
[bud as woman, spoken]
good morning, mr. gutenberg
[doug as gutenberg, spoken]
ha+ha+ha, call me johann! johann gutenberg
[bud as daughter, spoken]
h+llo, mr. butengerg!
[doug as gutenberg, spoken]
it’s gutenberg. how are you today, little girl?
[bud as daughter, spoken]
as happy as i can be… considering i can’t read

[doug as narrator, spoken]
another woman throws open her shutters to greet the morning
she dumps her stinky chamber pot
and suddenly, the town of schlimmer is alive
not alive like a monster
but alive like a town!

[bud as woman]
it’s nice to live in medieval germany
in the beautiful town of schlimmer!
we all get along in perfect harmony!
[doug as beef+fat trimmer]
i’m a beef fat trimmer!
[bud as woman]
hi!
[doug as beef+fat trimmer]
the beef comes in all white with fat
it leaves a good bit slimmer
[both as drunks]
we’re just drunks comin’ home from the bar
in the beautiful town of schlimmer!
[doug as drunk #1, spoken]
hey, gutenberg, got any wine?
[bud as drunk #2, spoken]
you’re the wine presser! tell us where the wine is!
[doug as drunk #1, spoken]
yeah, is it over ‘ere?
[bud as drunk #2, spoken]
it’s not over ‘ere!
[doug as gutenberg, spoken]
hey, guys, my wine isn’t the answer to all of your problems!
[bud as drunk #2, spoken]
[laughs] yes it is!
[doug as drunk #1, spoken]
yeah, drinking your wine is the only thing that makes our horrible lives worth living!

[both as drunks]
gutenberg!
darn tootin’+berg
he’s the back chap around
well, at least in this town
sure as shootin’+berg
[doug as gutenberg, spoken]
call me johan!
[bud as drunk #2, spoken]
oh, that gutenberg
[doug as gutenberg, spoken]
i prefer johann…
[bud as boot+black]
gutenberg…
[doug as gutenberg, spoken]
hey, it’s the boot+black!
[bud as boot+black]
shine your boot+enberg?
[doug as gutenberg, spoken]
well, sure, boot+black!
[bud as boot+black]
you’re a man in your prime, making friends all the time, no refutin+berg! (spoken) ten dockets!

[doug as gutenberg, spoken]
hey, hey! okay, fellas, i gotta be getting back to my wine press shop, don’t you have anything better to do?
[bud as drunk #2, spoken]
no!
[doug as drunk #1, spoken]
yeah, it’s not like we can read!
[bud as drunk #2, spoken]
hey, you can’t read!
[doug as drunk #1, spoken]
you can’t read!
[bud as drunk #2, spoken]
you can’t read!
[doug as drunk #1, spoken]
you can’t read!
[doug as gutenberg, spoken]
woah, woah now++hey, hey, guys, guys! don’t fight! why don’t i buy you a flower from that adorable little flower girl?
[bud as flower girl]
here’s a pretty posey, it’s the first one of the spring
i stole it from a jew!
my heart is full of hate, and i don’t know anything
’cause yes, i’m illiterate too!

[doug as gutenberg]
ooh, schlimmer
my lovely schlimmer
you are the best darn town in germany!

[bud as boot+black]
gutenberg!

[doug as beef+fat trimmer]
gutenberg!

[bud as flower girl]
gutenberg!

[both as drunks]
gutenber+er+er+er+erg

[bud, spoken]
alright, you ready?
[doug, spoken]
ok, i’m ready, you ready? we got this
[bud, spoken]
let’s bring this home, let’s do it. good job, yeah

[doug as gutenberg]
i’m the pride of schlimmer

[bud as boot+black]
he’s the pride of schlimmer!

[doug as gutenberg]
i’m the cremé de la creméer

[both as gutenberg/flower girl]
he’s/i’m the pride of schlimmer!

[doug as gutenberg]
i’m the cremé de la creméer

[bud as drunk #2]
he’s the pride of schlimmer!

[doug as gutenberg]
i am+

[both as all characters]
gutenberg!

- andrew rannells josh gad lyrics

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