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anthony j. shears - mea culpa lyrics

intro:
cuz i love you all
i’mma be honest with you
more importantly
i’mma be honest with myself
you know what i’m saying
it’s not that i’m trying to shut you out
we all know what it’s like pretend
and if you’re willing to take this ride with me
we could probably both learn something

verse 1:
journey with me, as i take you n-ggas on a ride
through the valleys, through the peaks, through the rivers of my life
through the ups, through the downs, through the wrongs, through the rights
from being born on the bottom to my uphill fight
a n-gga struggled but i bubbled
cuz i had my momma’s strength
and my grandma’s heart
i was cursed from the start
my issues tissues couldn’t fix
i cried so many tears
i prayed for years
for favor for
for a better life
someone to hear
that all i needed was a little love
but n-ggas turned their backs
turned me down
turned a deaf ear on all of my little raps
kicked me out their school, sayin’ i ain’t know how to act
then when a n-gga glow
wanna welome me back
what’s that?
now all i get is daps ‘n’ hugs
and pretend “i’m down with yous”
but i don’t need that love
so i walk around face down defensive as sh-t
man it hurts just to mention this sh-t
for real

chorus:
this is my cannon my catechism my church
my conviction my cult my religion my worth
i pray god forgive me for the people i’ve hurt and i’m sorry for whatever it’s worth
this is my cannon my catechism my church
my conviction my cult my religion my worth
i pray god forgive me for the people i’ve hurt and i’m sorry for whatever it’s worth

verse 2:
street life is expensive and what it costs some n-ggas
is everything
but i’ve been buggin’ since i lost my n-gga
i’m paranoid with nightmares, but won’t speak on that
‘cuz certain issues in my life that haunt me nightly, in fact
i’m still intact but still gotta act like that sh-t don’t hurt
and try to hide it on the side, but that sh-t don’t work
on my life sometimes at night i feel my n-gga standing with me
protecting me from all the evils threatenin’ to get me
protecting me from the game that claimed his life
either a n-gga die tryin’ or he change his life
i had to come to grips with the fact he won’t be comin’ back
but as long as i’m spitting dude is livin’ through my raps
as long as i’m livin’ dude is livin’ through my tats
through the best through the worst
i still wouldn’t take it back
every time i see a star, i make a wish my n-gga
i’m tryna deal with it
real talk i miss my n-gga

verse 3:
i know a lot of ya’ll probably mad i mentioned this sh-t
and i apologize, it’s definitely sensitive sh-t
but i don’t know how else to deal with it
just being real with it real about it
sh-t’s eatin’ me up
i need a real outlet
i got the call i knew something was up
word on the wire, ‘your sister’s about to get locked up’
i’m callin’ n-ggas liars whenever this sh-t pop up
they’re like p.s. by d.s. your sis’s knocked up
more b.s
the next thing she’s ringing my phone
confirming the information that i heard ‘bout home
meanwhile i gotta keep a smile i’m dodging n-ggas calls
i’m like my father just died
the f-ckin’ nerve of ya’ll
when sh-t like this happen what’s a n-gga supposed to do
the sad thing, i woulda took a bullet for dude
n-ggas could never know
could never fully understand me
cuz it’s more than just incest when family f-ck family

- anthony j shears lyrics

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