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anthony jeselnik - romance lyrics

my girlfriend, wants me be a better person
so i can get a better girlfriend
whenever i meet a pretty girl, whenever i meet a pretty girl
the first thing i look for is intelligence
because if she doesn’t have that, then she’s mine
couple of months ago i gave my girlfriend some fancy lengerie
she actually got mad at me…
say anthony i think this is more of a gift for you
than it is for me…
and i said well, if you wanna get technical
it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend
happy valentine’s day
giving gifts is tough in any relationship i -ssume…
like this past christmas
i kept telling my girlfriend from months in advance, months
baby all i want from you this year is an x-box, that’s it
beginning and end of list, x-box
you know what she got me?
a homemade frame
with a picture of us from our first date together
which was fine…
because i got her an x-box
i should’ve got her a chocolate
my girlfriend loves the chocolate
she’s always eating chocolate
she likes to joke she’s got a chocolate addiction
like “keep me away from those chocolate bars anthony!
i’m addicted to them!”
and it is really annoying
so i put her in a car, and took her downtown
and i pointed out a crack addict and i said
“you see that honey?
why can’t you be that skinny?”
you guys seem like nice people
i don’t wanna sound like a jerk here
but that joke usually gets a standing ovation

- anthony jeselnik lyrics

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