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aphyr - recruitment lyrics

[verse 1: tom lehman]

don’t be blinded! i’m not some weirdo recruiter — i’m the co-founder /
cto of rap g*nius and i’m on the hunt for bomb engineers to join our
team. we’re big fans of your blog over here, and admirers of jepsen as a
tool for rigorous -n-lysis of cl-ster behavior. i especially enjoyed
your recent post on the difficulties of designing a truly fault-tolerant
redis cl-ster — we’re big redis users, although still in
single-point-of-failure land. since you’re a sage of scalability and our
project of annotating all of human culture is pretty high scale, i’ve
got to try convincing you to join the rap g*nius rocket ship / yacht
party. here’s a picture i made:

[mumbles]

if this sounds at all interesting, i’d love to “hop on a google hangout”
and tell you more. let me know if you’re down!

much love / bong bong

tom

[verse 2: aphyr]

my sincere thanks
for your kind words
& earnest invitations
your enthusiasm and new
growth; truly commendable
however, given rap g*nius’s
somewhat questionable history
i cannot in good conscience
support your efforts here

kind regards

-kyle

[verse 3: tom lehman]

feel me! that’s a major bummer and especially so in verse, and
especially so in un-/anno/tated verse, where i’m left without context /
authorial insight! what about us gives you such bad vibes? regardless
though, if you think we’ve said stupid things and have been obnoxious /
wack you’re not going to get any arguments from me! we are deeply flawed
and yet always trying to improve (just like the annotations on our website!)
so come onnnnn, let’s do a quick hangout — it’ll be fun i promise. and
if it isn’t and i can’t turn you around, you can cmd+w me at any time!
you don’t even have to say goodbye — come on admit it that’s a sick offer
much love

[verse 4: aphyr]

it’s insufferably sneering with sungl-sses askew
monorail’s singlethreaded tire fire snafu
toked up rappers slurp down on that bro money mileu
and narcissism’s a sl!ck one slipping into sinew
shirt shrugged off; vyvanse ice; it’s the tumor he spews
but insouciantly sleazes right back into the news
and that’s something i’ve sensed ’bout the c-cksure amused
forcing d-cks into everything turns you into one too
open wide he says, grinning, it goes down real smooth–
i’ve no patience for rape jokes or your problems with queues

–kyle

- aphyr lyrics

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