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arne åsmund - storytime lyrics

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i got off work earlier today
decided to walk home, whistling all the way
down our street, through our front gate
something was not right

whose shoes are these?
they dont smell like mine
and whose jacket is this?
someone’s been dressing up real fine

i looked around for my wife
she’s usually outside when the weathers this nice
but the garden lay silent as a mouse
so i wandered back into the house

whos pants are these?
they are not my size
and these aren’t my car keys
even though they look really nice

then i heard noises from upstairs
sounded like my wife was playing basketball
i though it was an odd thing to do in our bedroom
so i decided to go check it out

whos boxers are these?
i really dont understand
cause i’m pretty sure these batman boxers aren’t mine
could they belong to another man?
upstairs i meet my best friend bob; standing naked in the hall
behind him i could see my wife laying naked on the bed
seems they haven’t been playing basketball at all

bob what’s going on?
i’ve known you my whole life
still when i’m gone, you’re here pretending to play basketball with my wife
bob, you better run or i am gonna hurt your real bad
because i do not find this fun, deep down inside me i am actually really mad

bob jumped from balcony, hit a rock and broke his leg
which gave me plenty of time to get the shovel from the garden shed
with the shovel i hit bob in the head until i was pretty sure he had to be dead
did not feel neither remorse nor pain as i painted the ground with pieces of his brain

and i felt a sting in my back, oh i never could have guessed my wife just hit me with an axe
she obviously cared more for bob than me i assume as my body fell to my feet
she started dragging bob towards the car, i screamed “you dumb sl+t, didn’t you notice his scar?”
“there ain’t nothing where his heads supposed to be, i’m not sure you fix that with surgery”

she started crying, i laughed and said “jesus you oughta get the vacuum cleaner to get up all the pieces”
they disappeared, i spat bob in the face, which was easy cause he was lying all over the place

- arne asmund lyrics

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