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aruaz - untitled... lyrics

[verse 1]
doing this sh-t ever since i was 10
i love the feeling of a pen
never had a pal just an imaginary friend
i named him ben, been a while since i spoke to him
starting to think he’s dead…but how does that work?
he’s all in my head so if he died, is part of me gone?
i can’t tell anymore, ready to walk out the door, maybe even the fourteenth floor balcony, f-ck it i’ll stay high
maybe it’ll buy me a little time, even if it’s only worth a dime
yes the coin, you tenderloin
i’m about to go all out, b-lls out, don’t look at my groyne -pause-
anyways lets talk about g-ys, and no not the singers, i mean the ones who have loud -ss ringers
don’t call me h0m-phobic, for if i am bi
shouldn’t it be hypocrisy, idiots, stop synchronised swimming in the rap pool
i’m different so people never tell me “i’m cool”
they just call me jealous, i tell em whatever floats your boat
i’m going around these isolated radio stations, they cram these sandwiches of mumble wraps down your f-cking throats
hoping when i end this i’m considered someone’s g.o.a.t
not trying to sound like hopsin but when i write i hop in to depressing storytelling that never gets the radioplay
“oh it’s..too offending”
then your mother almost dies and..the same people start defending
so very interesting…

[bridge]
maybe i’m overthinking things
if sh-t doesn’t feel the same anymore am i changing, or the world around me changing?

[verse 2]
that’s something to keep in mind, mind you my mind should never be immortalised
look inside of my eyes you’ll see a starry night full of hopes and dreams
but they’re just the lights in the sky, millions of light years away from me
that’s an -n-logy for all the dreams i’ve lost
i feel like a f-cking disappointment, not just to my parents sh-t i’m failing myself ready to hang myself, from the loft
and i don’t know why…my parents labelled it as stupid, but i have all a’s in my honours cl-sses so what is there to say?
i keep getting off topic, that is if i had one
it’s more like how much of my life is pathetic, and how can i make it sound poetic?
what inspired me? nothing b-tch i just want to blow up like kendrick did
who the f-ck cares about another depressed kid?
so many issues in our lives and we never fix them, and we never will if we can’t cut it from the stem
when will i write just one perfect gem, is the only constant thought in my head
had more to it but cut it short, sewed it, and now it is hemmed
is it better now, or should i write so much it fits into a f-cking cow, it would be nice for once if every rapper, artist, child, actor, even a teenager said “f-cking wow” listening to me bow, or bark
thinking about hiding these dark thoughts in my mental tree
or below sea level, next to sharkbait, nemo
funny how when i was younger that was my nickname then went to lego
not that it’s any better i just thought it was cooler than a stuffed animal in your child’s stroller chair

what the f-ck does that even mean? who knows
i’m still searching for answers, they’ll cure cancer before i’m done complaining
i’m only 15 but my mind is older, dealing with some sh-t that’s only made me colder
parents make me clean the house till my shoulders give out

you’d have to see it to believe it, sh-t when i go insane, just know it won’t be hard to tell who’s to blame

- aruaz lyrics

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