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asa jake - condition lyrics

[verse]
always been an outsider
my favourite rap group is outkast
my favourite rapper is blind fury
given my condition, you could see that i’ve felt that
when i go out, a bunch of teenagers shout at me
trying to intimidate, and true, i could shout back
but i hear of people being stabbed where i’m from
so i put my headphones on, don’t know what i would do without rap
my life is unimpressive by other metrics
only doors that open are the ones through which leave my exes
and i have trouble letting go because abandonment issues
you can hear the pain from manchester all the way to my bro in texas
lately i’m losing friendships
my circle is small, i’m paranoid
if i let you in, you’ll disappear, i know it, i’m clairvoyant
70% of people with my visual condition are unemployed
so on top of all that, i fear employment
mad and resentful i ain’t made it yet, i’m the meanest out
if i ever got famous, i wouldn’t ever leave my house
i’d sit in a room, curtains drawn, mic’d up in that b+tch
screaming about problems top of my lungs, then put singles out
’cause they say we’re social creatures, i hate the whole thing
put me in a padded room, i’ll go sane
’cause i like my own sp+ce
even though i can’t f+ckin’ stand my own face
and don’t know who exists behind my own name
social chameleon, take other’s traits and blend in like a komodo
probably ’cause my self esteem is so low
have to copy others’ behaviours to make me think i ain’t a bozo
and in relationships, i beg that they don’t go
but that gets annoying and they go, so, really it’s my own fault
how do i fix that sh+t? don’t say therapy, i won’t go
’cause they gonna ask sh+t like “did you receive enough love from your family growing up” and i just don’t know
don’t care, that’s way in the past
last thing i need’s another weight on my back
or it might make like my brain and then snap
i need to take medication ’cause i hate chatting face+to+face
i get anxious and my hands shake like a dap
asa jake can’t adapt
this straight jacket is making me hug myself like i love myself
ironic twist of fate ’cause in fact
i k!ll myself at the end of all my dreams
so i’m my own worst enemy both when i’m awake, when i nap
i can’t escape it, i’m trapped
the soul of a tortured poet
taught to wallow in self+loathing
swallowed by sorrow, i’m sulking
all ’cause i thought indulging in all of your throes would help your songs have emotion
did it for art but now the art’s taken over
i’m taylor swift, a product of my own creation, an abomination
captured by my art, now i’m trapped in it, i’m lost and forsaken
asa can only help asa and asa’s too caught up in making
raw music to try focus on the feelings i’m ill+strating
in the music that makes it raw, and above all
from all the gripes that i listed, my main one flaw
that i won’t do f+ck all about ’em
i’m drake, perpetuating relationship issues to write a love song
just another love song
what the f+ck will that achieve?
lie to myself like i’m reflective and woke, but i’m fast asleep
’cause if i was reflective i’d have fixed my problems so people wouldn’t have to leave
but sadly i pass up that reality
to draft a perceived masterpiece
and let the booth record it
don’t even view myself as a human, more an aloof performer
that was born to do music so if i forgo all the issues i brought up
that solution would go against who i thought i was
i’m too disordered, f+ck
moving forward, just
stew in torment, stuck
in my room the door is hut
my mood’s avoidant, ugh
too much noise so i’m
through with talking, yeah
please leave me alone

- asa jake lyrics

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