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audiobooks - grandma jimmy lyrics

cultivating mystique is kind of alright, especially if you’re a boy, and no-one knows you’ve got three b-lls big split into a shamrock by a thong

grandma jimmy has a funny “ha ha” sense of humour, which she uses to embarr-ss her son-in-laws on their birthdays. she wishes them to be bodybuilders, their body bored in speedos

she likes to take them to devon for a picnic, bringing tin foil wrapped tuna white bagel sandwiches dripping in ample b-tter which had gotten gloopy because she almost-
because she almost-
because she almost-
dead smelling dog’s warm belly, had p-ssed out on her husband’s bought basket – who was now dead

in the boot of the car, the dog was feeling carsick, and so was everybody else, except for jimmy of course, because she was driving. her driving was awful! granny j slowed down every time she spoke which p-ssed everybody off. although they loved her, she was very, very annoying. she just spoke about things she had already said, like, to the point where everyone concerning her slayed by fate could smell the off yoghurt from the fridge, wafting into the living room

when they got to the beach, jack, the youngest, felt depressed, because he hated pebbly beaches and was expecting a sandy one. after the shock of his realisation, he couldn’t resist himself and said out loud
“f-ck! i want to get back to london, like, now!”
jimmy snapped back
“you ugly, fat, brat. you may leave after i have photographed you.”

- audiobooks lyrics

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