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aunty donna - protect yourself before you wreck yourself lyrics

[intro: broden, mich+lle]
and a window seat for me
congratulations! your trip to bali is now booked
oh! +snaps fingers+
what an age we live in. to think, i can book passage to a foreign isle upon a plane by simply leaving the house, and coming to a shop! what a marvel!
now to get you the right level of travel insurance. did you know that most australians do get travel insurance, but are often underinsured?
no, i did not know that, no
okay, well, to give you the right level of cover, could you tell me some of the things you plan on doing over there in bali?

[verse 1: broden]
i’m gonna sit on the bеach in the sun
and not put any sunscreen on
gonna burn myself to a crisp
then go in thе ocean for a dip
and cut my foot on the coral reef
and spread my blood around the reef
until a big ol’ shark rocks up
and bites my arm, and gobbles it up
i’ll invite the shark to a bar for beers
buy 24 drinks and we’ll say cheers
we’ll eat the beer and we’ll eat the glass
then chuck it all up on the grass
i’ll hire a motorbike and let the shark drive the motorbike
because i’m missing an arm and i’m drunk
and then i’ll buy some fireworks, set them off, in my ear
and then i’ll get helivac’d out of here
[interlude: mich+lle]
okay, so the basic plan does cover helivac, but only in the case of an accident, and you’re not intoxicated

[verse 2: broden]
to a hospital, in the top end
but before they can give me a mend
i’ll escape and jump back in the sea, and swim on back to bali
i’ll check on into my youth hostel
it’s full of aussies, holy h+ll
let’s all headb+tt this brick wall
then buy some dvds at the mall
eat a barbecue hog, including the bone
then a backpacker steals my wallet and phone

[interlude: mich+lle]
okay, so the basic plan does cover theft, but only up to $1500, and only if you get a police statement

[verse 3: broden]
and instead of yelling “thief, stop!”
i’ll just give them a passport and laptop
by then i’ll get bored in bali
so i’ll go for a swim in the sea
commit tax fraud in bermuda
get hypothermia in antarctica
eat 100 burgers in america
i’ll sell my kidney in the holy see
and then go drown in the dead sea
[hook: broden]
bali, uh
bali, bali uh
bali

[interlude: mich+lle, broden]
so, unfortunately, our basic plan won’t cover you for 95% of your planned activities, uh, and because you’ve come in store today, there is an additional charge of 100 billion dollars
oh, rats
but, our aussie d+ckhead policy covers everything you mentioned
yay

[outro: narrator]
he’s going to bali, he’s going to bali
please be respectful in bali
look out for your friends and be safe
and have the appropriate level of travel insurance, in bali

- aunty donna lyrics

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