aurelio voltaire – cantina lyrics
[verse 1]
well i went down to mos eisley for a converter
h-ll, ya know how hot it gets on tatooine
then i saw that there cantina
i’ll go in for an orangina
i heard it was rough but how bad could it be?
well i walked through the door and the music stopped dead
all manner of man and beast were staring at me
seems just one week before
their twi-lex slave girl walked out the door
and i guess i was the next-best thing they’d seen
[chorus]
i lost more than my heart in that cantina
i left my manhood there on tatooine
son, it don’t mean you’re weak
if you turn the other cheek
but if ya spread ’em both for jabba, son, you ain’t a man
[verse 2]
old hammerhead, he fixed his mind to screw me
whipped out his tool and nailed me to the bar
my -n-s he destroyed, and now i got me hemorrhoids
they had to wrench him off my nuts with a gaffi bar
i was hit over the head by ol’ han solo
i’d have never guessed that pirate was a h0m-
i woke up next to chewbacca i was smeared in wookie caca
and what they did to my poor nipples was a no-no
[chorus]
i lost more than my heart in that cantina
i left my manhood there on tatooine
son, it don’t mean you’re weak
if you turn the other cheek
but if ya spread ’em both for jabba, son, you ain’t a man
[verse 3]
old salacious crumb’s so small ya can’t detect him
before i knew it he shoved himself straight in my r-ct-m
and then, just to be heinous, he screamed real loud out of my -n-s
now i got an -n-l car alarm and i can’t disconnect ’em
oh greedo greedily grabbed his green weenie
and he yanked that sucker ’till it wasn’t so teenie
he took me into jabba’s hut, he stared intently at my b-tt
and he oo-ta-too-ta’d me with his zucchini
[chorus]
i lost more than my heart in that cantina
i left my manhood there on tatooine
son, it don’t mean you’re weak
if you turn the other cheek
but if ya spread ’em both for jabba, son, you ain’t a man
take it away boys!
[verse 4]
well a guy walked up and said “my friend doesn’t like you”
i said, “sorry”
he said “i don’t like ya neither ya better watch yourself”
(i think his name was tom waits)
and then some old dude who taught vader chopped his arm off with a saber
but later made for one red hot -n-l invader
i was broken on the floor beat to a stuper
but then i was saved! there at the door were ten stormtroopers
but then my hope faded away. i didn’t know they cloned ’em g-y
and they each took turns stormtrooping me in the p–per
[chorus]
i lost more than my heart in that cantina
i left my manhood there on tatooine
son, it don’t mean you’re weak
if you turn the other cheek
which is why i still go there every week
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