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ava left - spectator (demo) lyrics

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it’s like looking in a mirror when i look at you
eyes so wide they lose the meaning of the color blue
and all the things that i won’t say
i know you do

tell me why’d i come so far tonight to see you
when your back is to the door
tell me why should i believe this means a thing
oh god, i’d rather be actively ignored

there’s a place inside where nothing’s meant to be
but it’s empty all the same

spectator to the show
somehow you’ll never know
that it was me
you were welcoming
home

i remember every single word you ever say
soft and fast and high and well at any time of day
and all the years that people change
should mean today

so why don’t they
why don’t they
i need you to understand ’cause if you don’t
then what was any of me for (then what was anything for)

spectator, i’m alone
you never could have known
that it was me
you were welcoming
home

in this room
of endless sound
my loudest screams
all would drown

and there you are
the closest i’ll ever be
and you won’t turn around
’cause you’re a spectator like me

(two hours passed
you left, then you came back
you closed it out, we clapped
then i went home)

- ava left lyrics

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