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awannabe - imdyslexicbutyourebauetiful lyrics

[intro]
i think ima do a project thats like slam poetry meets guitar, i dunno, you guys are here for it

[verse 1]
i feel like somethings off inside of my head
‘cuz each d+mn day i wake up i can barely escape my bed
it’s not as if i’m lost or trapped, i just choose to stay
it’s like i would rather live life any other way
when i think of you it’s like a d+mn perfect picture
painted by picasso
i know corny sh+ts saying your perfect
‘cuz you’re not though
and i dream of big things
sometimes i dream too big
my thoughts are f+cking stupid too and i like to question if they’re really thoughts
sеlf+regard my own d+mn self+love, hatrеd always outweighs the most
its heavy on my shoulders that’s why i won’t come back
hate me in a way
i’m not tryna say i got it perfect
we’re far from that
but nothings really bad until you have to get it back
i dunno what i’m saying but
i love you like the world loves to be a b+tch
i love you like the world loves to k!ll off its own d+mn people
i love you like bosses who love their employers and make them work more for them
i love you like everyone likes money, in their greedy, sl+tty way
i’m not selfish of you, but i’m sure as h+ll not gonna let you be off on your own
self+regard all my things i’ve done to myself, i can barely be alone by myself
its these dreams that i can’t keep out my head, yet i cannot retrace my steps of the things i’ve done, i know those dreams
i feel guilty
i feel guilty
i feel lost, yet i’m still f+ckin dumbfounded
how i still found you
you know
the lights always seem to light up the world
baby when i’m with you i can see everything
it’s crazy how the world’s still dark though
i mean you’ve done your part
but i’m lookin through a glass that has a pint+sized hole
i can barely see fully
as pictures of you enclose in my head
repeatedly
i mean
l+st over love, what do i choose?
is there someone out there better or is it you?
i can’t tell nowadays
i’m screwed, i’m f+cked in my head, mentally, i’m tryna find my d+mn pace
i know my parents find out they think i’m a d+mn disgrace its f+ckin cruel that i’m living in this way
but i’m self+induced, self+sabotaging so much i can barely f+ckin do things without f+cking things up
i like to dream big
i dream a little too big
[verse 2]
i’m over it
i mean
i could walk the plank, and yet i’d still be over it
i could slam my gas
driving 180 on the freeway
as my car go fast
i wouldn’t feel a thing
i could drown my thoughts
with liquor every day
i could smoke away the pain
just so that i could feel okay
but the thought of you rots my brain
consumes half of these things
the thoughts i have
consist of you all day
i’m not a man
i’m a coward
that likes to hide behind a face
i built myself my own dilemma
but i hate the way it tastes
i don’t feel as if i’m perfect
but i’m sure in h+ll am not bad
i just wish you’d understand
i love you to the moon and back
you like to tell me that the stars were written
in ways that i could understand
you told me no matter what happens
it’s always in my hands
i feel broken at best, probably because i’ve done this to myself
i wanted a good life
but i hate being good
i mean life’s f+cking weird how i talk about it
i like to keep myself grounded
depending on who you ask
they all think of me in different ways
i like to tell people what they wanna hear
and make them feel okay
i hate feeling left out
i don’t like to make sense
i make dollars
yet i’m still barely heard
i mean this d+mn life i’ve been living is so absurd
i can barely f+cking care about her
i could d+mn do the same thing been doing to my d+mn lungs every night
i could f+cking light up this place and burn down the forest
and watch as everything crash
i mean its f+cked
my life’s not bad
i’ve got sh+t going and working in my d+mn way
but i still feel insane
incapable of talking to myself ‘cuz of my d+mn brain
these words that i could cycle through
never seem to f+cking matter
‘cuz they’re all just words at the end of the day
i’m tryna let you f+cking know
that i love you
and i love you to the moon and back
i don’t think
you like to tell me i’m a stupid b+tch
i don’t think you ever said that
but it sounds like it when you sigh
i mean its f+ckin stupid how i could think of you
its f+cking stupid how i can think of you
but you’re so good to me
you only do bad things once in a while
and i still look past that
i only like to admire the bad in people
cuz that makes something to laugh at
i could f+ckin talk about my own securities all day, but yet that’s nothing i like to do
im stuck inside of my d+mn head
most the time i feel like i’m screwed
please
tell me i’m okay
please
tell me its gonna be fine
i dont care if it takes a year to me better
i just want you back in my life
i mean i’m talking like i’ve lost you but i still d+mn have you but it feels like i’ve lost myself
i could walk for miles and miles and miles and yet id still feel lost in myself
i don’t wanna cry yet
i mean i can barely do it myself
i need someone’s help please
please, someone
everything about you
is so pretty
from the way you present yourself
i can’t help but stare sometimes
im sorry that
id stare a little too much
but i can’t help when somethings so pretty like you
crafted by gods d+mn hands
a perfect lady
i wouldn’t mind having a baby with this
weird and too soon to say that
but i don’t know
you’re so pretty
i dream of you
in ways that you wouldn’t wanna hear
but my dreams of you
are only about the things that we do
like
i think big, but my life just seems to be a quite little bit bigger
i dunno what the f+ck i’m saying but
i love you
in more ways that i should
i think about you 24/7 hours of my d+mn day
im complaining
‘cuz im a spoiled little brat
id be okay with living life with you
you’re the flame while i’m the d+mn forest
im burning, please help me
you’re the flame while i’m just the forest
i want you to consume all of me in ways i would’ve never advised
for anyone
im self+harming myself without losing anything for fun
i mean its f+ckin stupid
but
i just love you in ways i wish
i wish it was f+ckin stupid
so, i could laugh it off like it’s a f+ckin joke
but it’s not
i mean i’m lost
can i please be the man to take you to your dreams?
i feel like i’m bad, i dunno
i dunno
but
all i can know is that i’ll be fine in a week or so
i just
i just like the idea of you
i think
step one, is accepting that i have an issue of course but
step two, is tryna work on that said issue
i mean its f+ckin easier said than done
i mean i wish to god i could just say its f+ckin over
and it’d be done
i’m tryna act like a boy but yet i wanna laugh at sh+tty jokes
somethings problematic at best but
i don’t think its really that bad
you’re embarrassed
the thought of me leaves you f+ckin embarrassed
i know
i know
i decide that you’d be better off with some other f+ckin guy
you like to tell me “i’m the only one for you”
but i don’t think that’s quite that true
because something about me seems off
maybe its the part i don’t tell you about
its like something about me feels off
dreams are vivid
i mean dreams are f+ckin quite liquid
i could spill it out if i wanted to
but i don’t want you to think of me differently
i mean it’s quite awfully weird
the thoughts of you are so vivid and clear
yet i can barely find myself
i’m f+cking building concepts of something i once was
its f+cking silly
really its f+cking silly but
oh, i love the thought of you (?)
oh, let me the one there for you (?)

f+ck

okay here we go, here we go
wake up
your makeups all up on your pillowcase
i wake up
makeup on my shirt again
i don’t wanna wake up any other way
i can’t help but feel as if it (?)
you’re the one that i wanna die next to
i want you to be my number two
i don’t wanna let you go x4

- awannabe lyrics

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