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bea arthur - bosom buddies lyrics

vera and mame:
[singing]
we’ll always be bosom buddies
friends, sisters and pals;
we’ll always be bosom buddies
if life should reject you
there’s me to protect you
vera:
if i say that your tongue is vicious
mame:
if i call you uncouth;
vera and mame:
it’s simply that who else but a bosom buddy
will sit down and tell you the truth
vera:
[speaking]
tho’ now and again i’m aware that my candid opinion may sting
mame:
tho’ often my frank observation might scald;
i’ve been meanin’ to tell you for years
you should keep your hair natural like mine
vera:
if i kept my hair natural like yours, i’d be bald
[singing]
but darling
vera and mame:
we’ll always be dear companions
vera:
my crony
mame:
my mate;
vera and mame:
we’ll always be harmonizing
vera:
orphan annie and sandy
vera and mame:
like amos and andy
vera:
if i say that your sense of style’s as far as off as your youth;
it’s simply that who else but a bosom buddy
will tell you the whole stinkin’ truth
mame:
[speaking]
each time that a critic has written, “your voice is the voice of a frog!”
straight to your side to defend you i rush;
you know that i’m there ev’ry time that the world makes and unkind
remark
when they say “vera charles is the world’s greatest lush!”
[singing]
it hurts me!
vera:
and if i say your fangs are showing
mame, pull in your claws
it’s simply that who else but a bosom buddy
will notice the obvious flaws!
mame:
[speaking]
i feel it’s my duty to tell you it’s time to adjust to your age;
you try to be “peg o’ my heart”, when you’re “lady macbeth.”
exactly how old are you, vera? the truth!
vera:
well, how old do you think?
mame:
i’d say somewhere in between forty and the death!
vera and mame:
[singing]
but sweetie
vera:
i’ll always be alice toklas
if you’ll be gertrude stein
and tho’ i’ll admit i’ve dished you
i’ve gossiped and gloated
but i’m so devoted
mame:
and if i say that s– and guts made you into a star
it’s simply that who else but a bosom buddy
will tell you how rotten you are
vera and mame:
just turn your bosom buddy
for aid and affection
for help and direction
for loyalty, love and for sooth!
remember that who else but a bosom buddy
will sit down and level
and give you the devil
will sit down and tell you the truth!

- bea arthur lyrics

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