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ben folds - bizarre christmas incident lyrics

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ho ho ho!

play it grandpa.
(yeah, play it!)
let’s tell them a little story
about what happened this christmas.
(yeah, tell them!)

christmas eve
i didn’t get much sleep
i kept hearing things
heavy breathing from the chimney…
who could it be?

(i’ll tell you what it was…)
(what happened then, ben?)
(yeah, what happened?)
well, i went back to sleep…
(you went back to sleep?!)
(sh-t!)
tired man, went back to sleep.

and in the morning
i couldn’t believe my eyes
a whale of a corpse with a long, white beard
was dangling over the fire

(ha ha ha!)

oh, santa, he’s a big, fat f-ck
went down the chimney, got his fat -ss stuck
oh, honey call the lawyers fast,
’cause mrs. claus is gonna sue my -ss
hey, hey, hey!
(hey!)

okay grandpa, step up.
sing in this thing right here.
tell them what you saw,
tell them what you saw, grandpa!

i gotta tell you folks
he wasn’t wearing no clothes
(no clothes?!)
he must have rubbed a whole gallon of crisco
from his back, down to his toes

while i was talking to the cops outside,
the dog was lickin’ crisco off of his thighs
they hauled him away in a double-wide
what a sad, sad way to die

santa, he’s a big, fat f-ck
went down the chimney, got his fat -ss
oh, honey call the lawyers fast,
mrs. claus is gonna sue our -ss

- ben folds lyrics

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