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ben nickerson - seasonal masturbation lyrics

two, three, four
winter sucks, i think that it’s true
i need some snowfall before my b+lls turn blue
beautification is a+fluctuatin’
so throw me some seasonal m+st+rbation
and i’m not just being a cynical lyricist
people go crazy and their [?] go realist
just take a look around and i’m sure that you’ll see
all the biblical [?] at the top of the tree
and while the bureaucrats take their bureaucr+ps
i’ll take a bureaunap before i bureaufap
they came with nothing like a boy with no p+rn
and they still got nothing but the place they’re born
we turn ’em away, we turned ’em down
a ball falls in the forest making no sound
where there’s n0body to hear the post+casualty orders
’cause they fired the only docs without borders
we need to give ’em name tags just to be sure
labelling people, have we seen this before?
that’s right, i pulled the trump card!
but i play the best when the hand comes down hard

it’s the second coming but not with a big g
it’s the whim by the whiny [?]
i’m not one to rhyme, it’s not my style
but to warm the winter, i’ll spit hot fire

i+i+i can’t believe my eyes
they always tell me lies, just when i need them
you haven’t lived a second ’til the moment you see
through the guy that lives alone in mediocrity

oh!
i’m resourceful, like a cave!
you can find me chilling out in an unmarked grave
and i stop to save my name
it’d be a shame since everyone calls me lame
it’s all the same
i dug this hole bit by bit
now i have a place to throw this fit
call it what you want, but i ain’t no hater
i’m a screwball, know it all, pro m+st+rbator
i always filter all the words i’m saying
it’s manly as f+ck if you see what i’m laying
down, [?] hypocrisy
i’d never say that someone was less than me!

i+i+i can’t believe my eyes
yeah, they always tell me lies, just when i need them
you haven’t lived a second ’til the moment you see
through the guy that lives a life of videography
oh, yeah! uh+oh, yeah
yeah! oh+oh yeah

oh, i had s+x with a girl while digging snow without a shovel
she took snow blowing to a whole other level
who needs a pilot’s license?
i, i+i’ll just wing it!
pleasure is a search engine
if you’re desperate, you’ll bing it
if there’s one thing that i’m good at, it’s remembering lyrics, so
uh, sh+t

i+i+i can’t believe my eyes
yeah, i’m always telling lies, just when i want to
i haven’t lived a second, that’s what i hope you’ll see
there’s a thousand+million people and places i’ll never do or see
so, don’t take it from me, i will admit when i’m wrong
as i said i can’t rhyme, so this is the end of the…
track

- ben nickerson lyrics

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