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benjadin - v. brown doe eyes curled eyes (everything's bleeding) lyrics

[intro]
this song is about me

[verse 1]
alright, imagine this. i’m on a bus feeling c+cky
the girl of my dreams just said that she wants me
dark at four o’clock, me, i’m sitting in the front seat
i close my eyes and smile so wide, i’ll play some a$ap rocky
just the life of a little year nine
muddy from some rugby where i barely even tried
i show my girlfriend off to some boys who sit behind
they laugh and say i’m punching, i say i agree, you’re right
there’s one kid sitting alone with no light
on his phone, in the zone, it’s the c team number 5
i was like, “you good mate? you alright?”
he looks up and i gauge with his brown doe eyes
“yeah, i’m good,” he said, “feeling fine
just tired from the game i played, so i’m getting some shut+eye
i’m sure you can relate,” he said, “oh no+ you play out wide!”
i smiled, but i looked at my phone and begged to die
what the h+ll just happened? i thought
i barely knew what he was saying, so why’d i want some more?
he’s trying to kip, not spend time with a wide+eyed f+cking bore
next week i cancelled the watford train ticket i had bought

[hook]
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake (you realise my life revolves around this)
what a f+cking mistake (every every every every every)
what a f+cking mistake (every every option every)
[verse 2]
fast forward to summer ’22
all my dreams had options, now i’ve got plenty too
got me all excited, this girl that i knew
never told a soul, cause then it wouldn’t come true
she lived close and we hung out a lot
i was deluded, thought friendship would tie the knot
she thought we were friends and i thought we’re really not
time kept rolling on and i tried to stir the pot
alright, pause, listen, it’s my fault, my bad
what happened was on me, not her and that’s that
got it straight from source that it was just a fad
but sometimes i can’t help it and then i feel sad
“so you got rejected, move on, take the hit
the ball was in your court but you shouldn’t feel like sh+t
you’ll be fine, i promise, we can get through it
one bad game didn’t make ronaldo quit,”
caught in my lies, i looked up with surprise
met the voice talking to me, brown doe eyes
i spoke in my head, let’s hug until we cry
we both had to go, it was the end of break time
that sums up the life of me, start of year 10
cause that kid left at christmas, i was left with my friends
who would never ever get my struggle, i can’t begin
i’d be laughed at, what i like ain’t matter to them (what i like ain’t matter to them)
[hook]
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake (you realise my life revolves around this)
what a f+cking mistake (every every every every every)
what a f+cking mistake (every every option every, everything’s bleeding, everything’s bleeding)

[verse 3]
one day last summer i was feeling down
type of week where your feet don’t really leave the ground
cricket season and my finger hurt from throwing b+lls around
brown doe eyes had left, i had no favourite sound
this is rather embarrassing but i had an idea
i never told my old favourite out of pure fear
i’d tell one of my mates i liked them and have a peer
into the psyche, so frightening and hold my tears
i’d have a go, he was nice, one of few
knew the answer before i typed but had a view
what it’d be like if i did that with you
only downside is that he told everyone he knew
one oversight and now my life had changed
no one showed me love apart from ollie sprange
fought my way back cos i had spare change
but that didn’t stop everything from feeling strange
out of nowhere i get this vibe from a guy
i thought he was funny and nice when he tried
he talked to me kind which took me by surprise
i said wait, come closer, let me see your eyes
“what?” no way. “what?” no way. “what?”
you’re being over friendly and that really means a lot
“i try my best, is this a test? i don’t get got,” he said
and i replied, no it’s not, please don’t stop
your lashes curl nice, like they’re meant to
your iris is round, more hazel in the centre
round shape, so no dust can enter
you’re a gift from him, i think that he sent ya
[hook]
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake (you realise my life revolves around this)
what a f+cking mistake (every every every every every)
what a f+cking mistake (every every option every, everything’s bleeding, everything’s bleeding)
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake
what a f+cking mistake (am i not supposed to be nice? am i supposed to be a pr+ck? cause i can be a pr+ck)
what a f+cking mistake (you realise my life revolves around this, sunderland are sh+t, sunderland are sh+t)
what a f+cking mistake (every every every every every)
what a f+cking mistake (every every option every, everything’s bleeding, everything’s bleeding)

[verse 4]
i spoke on the phone to ciara murphy the other day
we chatted about how mein junge’s face is made of clay
how i’ve made decisions that end bad either way
how bad it’s been but not unique, she feels the same
i said, what is it with people called murphy
she told me that she thinks no one deserves me
that she’s p+ssed off anyone could ever hurt me
that she hopes we’re friends still, by the time we’re 30
i acted in humility, she left cause of curfew
i was gonna say, ciara, no one deserves you
you spend time making sure i’m fine and alert to the fact that i’m loved
don’t you see your virtue?
we’ve both made mistakes, but we’re not a failure
and i’ll k!ll anybody who dares to fail her
you ask me for kindness and i’ll defo say her
she snapped me her eyes, guess what colour they were

[outro]
so i had an album called everything’s bleeding, and i scr+pped it, and i replaced it with broken to not get too far caught
but the four tracks i made for that album, they’re cult classics in my eyes, and i kind of like them
and i decided, i like that album title so much, i wanted to really exemplify it in a new song, and this one kind of just spoke to me the most
i’ve used like four pages of one notebook, it’s a big notebook as well, it’s an a4 notebook, i’ve used like four pages, just like a few verses on this song
it’s a big one, and i can show you first until we play it again
if i’m forcing you to do it then, that’s a different story, but, you know, free will and that
and now, now i feel a lot better, writing this song
because i know i can just sit on my chair in biology, and stare into the brown doe eyes of past, present, and of future
and i know that somewhere, people are out there, you know

- benjadin lyrics

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