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betamax sluts - popping the bubble wrap lyrics

i look like a p+n+s trying to run
and i have to force myself
not to peel other people’s sunburns
and if anything touches the counter, i won’t eat it
and don’t get me started on cups and glasses
and i see flies everywhere
out of the corners of my eyes
and my nerves feel like steel wool in a microwave oven
and i think i’m going blind in one eye
and my swiffer smells like dog p+ss
and my gag reflex is triggering
and my whole body starts shutting down
if someone leaves the toilet seat up
i use oxy pads on everything
and i think i’m mentally handicapped
i just never realized it before
and someone called me a loser on the internet
and i can’t get over it
and my eyes won’t focus
and i have crazy eyes
when i hear the dog coughing
i feel like i’m gonna puke
and i check my social media sites all day long
and the internet has given me permanent psychosis
and i can’t stop thinking about other people’s lives
the internet is poisonous
and i hate my nipples
and my brain feels like it is wiggling around
when i move my head
and i can’t think about my intestines or i’ll throw up
oh good god! i have intestines..i have intestines!
and i think my house is haunted and it’s cold in here
and i turn on the tv to trick my brain into leaving
and i have horrible everything
i have such an ugly punchable face
and i’m addicted to hairspray
and when i talk to people
i watch the shapes their tongues make
they aren’t the one that’s talking
it’s the shapes that the tongues make
and the noise that comes out of the hole behind the t++th
it isn’t them.. it’s something.. it’s some thing!
and there’s no toilet paper
and i try to keep my eyes open as wide as i can
and i just hit the sp+ce+bar and backsp+ce
3 times in a row, 5 times in a row
and i’m cleaning the bathroom
at 3am again and i’m so tired
and i’m having a brain aneurysm
and i keep hearing my mom telling me
where the p+n+s goes when you sleep
and i post hundreds of the cutest puppies
and no one gives a sh+t
and i count the cheerios until i’m suicidal
and when i see blue skies i just want to k!ll myself
the sound of cellophane makes me want to claw my face off
and i get dizzy if i smell peanut b+tter
and door kn+bs have ruined my life
and right before i +rg+sm i have intrusive thoughts
about a man who murdered someone in my neighborhood
and i’m addicted to sleeping pills
and i ate three boxes of honey+buns
three times a day for three weeks straight
and i’m always thinking “what if?” .. “what if?”
shut up! shut up!
i don’t shut my drawers if i’m thinking something bad
and if i have a bath i have to wash my hands after
and dry them on the towel
then wash them again after i touched the towel
and i can waste entire days like this
and if i drop something on the floor
i consider it gone forever
and i pull all the kleenex out of the box
just to verify them
where does the p+n+s go?
shut up mom!
i have to go check the cupboards again
and i’m constantly clearing my throat
and it drives everyone crazy
and i can never get all the pee out
and i go through tweezers like no tomorrow
and i can’t stop popping the bubble wrap
i carry bubble wrap with me everywhere i go
which is nowhere except back to bed
and i tried to drown my dog
in a large ziploc bag full of pineapple juice
and i said, “i’m so sorry! i’m so sorry!”
and now when he smells pineapple
he just lays on the linoleum and pretends he’s dead

- betamax sluts lyrics

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