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bird casino - my parasol lyrics

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you got so much but you want more
i caught your butler hanging round my foyer
his white gloves rifflin’ my accoutrements —
i welted his bum with the shaft of my riding crop!

if i was a judge, were i a jury
you’d be in the hoosegow, mincing your story
to a one+eyed lout with a face like a shillelagh
and i’d be kneeling in the nave
and here is what i’d be praying:

keep your dirty mitts off of my parasol
my lacy tassled sunshade does not fancy being hassled!
it’s my parasol
the dapper whapper of my hall
it’s my parasol
the toast of rusticated b+lls
it’s my parasol
the lord protector of my bald spot

my parasol!
get your quisling claw off of my parasol
unclench that tеntacle off of my parasol
unclench that tentaclе

so the king bestowed his accolade
on a haughty knave in plundered brocade?
but if you march through my pergola
i’ll smite your kn+b and plant you twixt my topiary
if i were as lordly, and gasconading
i’d enucleate your portraiture and hack your banking
i’d fell your orchard and curdle your gravy —
and if you cry for clemency
just hearken the angels proclaiming:

keep your dirty mitts off of my parasol
my lacy tassled sunshade doesn’t fancy being hassled
it’s my parasol
for farandoling ’round the mall
it’s my parasol
for dog+day caterwauls
it’s my parasol
really quite useless in a squall
my parasol
wipe that curdled slaw off of my parasol
unclench your tentacle off of my parasol
unclench your tentacle!

- bird casino lyrics

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