biteisme - fish out the water lyrics
i don’t even wanna do this uncle jack voice no more
it was a summer in 2006
me and daisy on a trip to the south, i’d let her pick
her favorite song in the car, her favorite food that we ate
and similar to right now, the time was ten past eight
we parked down at the hotel, and we booked us a room
got inside and unpacked, all of the clothes and perfumes
but it wasn’t just us in this vacation all alone
we also had sammy come with us on his own
it was always like that in the beginning
even if we argued he would always be winning
there was not a single reason back then to get mad
though everything changed, when sammy lost his dad
sometimes i forget he was my brother
the day that he was taken it wasn’t like any other
and yet, i barely felt a thing
not sure why, i always loved him but emotions didn’t spring
i just looked into the casket, the same way that i did
at my dad, 17 years ago as a kid
reminiscing sitting on the boat and eating caviar
i never realized how similar me and sammy are
both our childhoods f+cked beyond repair
except now i’m starting to think, maybe one could’ve been spared
the day i caught him running to his mom
i made a quick phone call, tried to stay calm
there were 200 dollars missing outta my wallet
in the background of the phone call he was crying like a faucet
i could hear him next to mommy, he missed her a lot
yet his voice sounded broken, even more than i thought
i contained my emotions, he didn’t know i was coming
me and his mom had to agree that we cannot have him running
she told me i gotta make him understand
when she was first sent to hospital we had something planned
and i swore by my brother’s name that i’d take care of sammy
when i got to the building, looked in every nook and cranny
but he didn’t run this time, waited next to her
he seemed to accept the fact he’s going back sooner
however when i put my hand on him he started to scream
i never saw him like that, it was worse than it seemed
he resisted a lot when i put him in the car
shut down for a minute as i lit up a cigar
i was slightly agitated at the fact he was fighting
tried explaining what’s happening but my words were reigniting him
he banged on the windows, tried to punch me in the face
now you got me real mad, get the f+ck back to your place
i almost crashed the d+mn car, so he sat there all silent
didn’t think i’d have to scream at him and get kinda violent
when we finally got home, i just wanted to clarify
but he’s not even listening only screaming all terrified
swear to god i snapped at him, you ungrateful f+cking kid
yet the only way to discipline i knew is how my dad did
in that very same trip with sammy and daisy
got to see him at his brightest when he wasn’t all crazy
we were making him dinner he was inspired to cook
called to daisy “my turn” and gave her salad a look
he was very intelligent talking like a grown up
if the conversation got a little sad he’d lift the tone up
and he never put a frown up even when we departed
to this day i always wish that we were back to where we started
on the seventh fishing trip i started reminiscing
realized that something in my life was always missing
sitting on the boat thinking bout jacob’s daughter
lifting up the rod another fish out of the water
as i fish another one i start to see
the fish out of the water, it wasn’t only me
ever since i was thirteen, i moved in with my brother
the same way sammy did when he was losing his mother
the day that i first started beating him i was shaken
but it’s either disobeying, or seeing him getting taken
and deep inside i loved him, but i just couldn’t stand
the fact that i just saved him but he still had his demands
demands i had too, to go back to my parents
one of us relied on pain, the other on the presents
but both of us lost when he was plucked to carolina
cause i couldn’t try to pluck it out in time from her…
and maybe, when he was trying to apologize
i should’ve seen the truth in him, look at him with solemn eyes
anger overtook me, i thought that he was tricking me
heartbroken, screaming “uncle jack you’re f+cking k!lling me”
at first i thought yes, i k!lled you so you could live
yet now he’s been conditioned to the pain and can’t forgive
i guess only my wish is
i wish he didn’t make me take the water from the fishes
that’s my only hope
only on the seventh fishing trip i start to cope
i see the self projection, rehashing the disaster
like opening the wound, just to put another plaster
the influence of past to the present too controlling
with a hint of stimulation and the absence of consoling
i can see the ghosts in his head form real
salads and stains always messing up his feels
and it’s my fault too, i deserve much of the blame
couldn’t keep him in the picture when i broke his f+cking frame
regulations and abuse, turned him into a fighter
now, i need to think of few ways to treat him lighter
i still kept the same promise to his mama
even though i broke and reattatched it with the trauma
for so long i’ve been wanting to fix him
all the sudden i see, it’s me who’s playing the victim
in light of the sevens, i am who he never had
but maybe if i try, i could truly be his dad
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