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bitter excess - ultimately lyrics

if i’m there enough, and if i care enough
maybe you’ll give up
telling me that i’m sh+t
cause that’s all i’m hearing right now

and if i try a little harder, and if i was a little smarter
i wouldn’t be here right now

and if i was a little bit better than i am
i wouldn’t have to make a plan
to get you to like me, you’d just do it

and if i really, somehow, was better right now
i wouldn’t be going through this

time
i think it all gets better with time
so why do i feel like
i make all the same mistakes all the time?
time
it’ll all get better in time
i feel like i just get closer to losing my mind
when i lose all the time

and if i was there, and if i cared enough
if i was better than i am
if i was stronger now than i’ve ever been
i wouldn’t be feeling this
if i was there enough, if i cared enough
if i was better than i am
this wouldn’t be an issue
and you wouldn’t have to go through
all the things you do, alone
and if i was smarter, if i was braver
then i wouldn’t be afraid to say, yeah
maybe this isn’t working out
maybe i could say yeah, i deserve better
maybe i could go yeah, sure, nothing’s forever
and not try to hold onto things that have puttered out

but the truth is, the truth is
i’m a bit beyond ruthless
and i’m most ruthless to myself
the truth is, the truth is
i don’t know how to do this
and i don’t know where to go to ask for help

it’s possible i’m wrong, it’s possible you are
it’s possible this is written in the stars
it’s possible anything could be
should i be honest? should i lie?
should i beg or should i cry?
or should i admit to myself that you’re right

or maybe you’re wrong
maybe i was all along
or maybe i’m pretty tired of writing break up songs
and maybe in time +
if i had more time, with you
i’d know what to do
but i don’t
and i’ve met so many people i like so much
i never manage to get in touch
and stay that way
if i was older and smarter
maybe it wouldn’t be so hard, yeah
maybe i’d be able to gel all the breaks
maybe i’d fix all the friction
wouldn’t be in this condition
maybe it would all be better and better than it ever could be

but that’s not true, is it

- bitter excess lyrics

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