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blood girl - moodswings to do about nothing lyrics

i have moodswings so bad i am scared of going out
go from happy to depressed in twenty minutes and i doubt that i can
focus even function if i try to go to school
when half my day is crying laying in a pool of my own drool
i hate these days where im frustrated and upset and overwhelmed
where i am happy then i hate myself and wish that i was dead
then im excited go out thrifting and then as im walking home
i feel so bad i feel like sh+t and i just wanna be alone
tired of trying and slowly detaching
then randomly smiling and feeling fantastic
then laying in bed for an hour just staring
then reading and cleaning and laughing and caring

i havе moodswings so bad that i can’t fathom i am real
i have one too many feelings for just onе person to feel
im so tired i can barely keep my eyes open at best
yet for 4 hours i lay awake not sleeping in my bed
i spend my money oh so recklessly i dont have self control
and then i feel so bad about it i just wanna stay at home
my one big problem is that i have sh+t to do i can’t just sleep
the other is i am so energetic i cannot sit still
frantically browsing the apps on my iphone
lights my face up like an sos signal: “come home”
i feel so alone but i just wanna fake it we’ll
pretend i am happy till another moodswing makes it real
and i eat until i almost puke, i smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, i pet my cat and do my laundry then my body is in pain, i wake up from my nap, another nightmare creeping to my brain, i get my story straight, im ok if they ask
forget my meds and eating then i shower 3 times in a row cus its nice to feel the fake warmth to pretend im not alone, laying on my body like a caring sillhouette , instead of a chalked up silver showerhead
i am so lonely and so happy im alone
i am so tired of my phone
i am so worried bout my friends
but are they worried bout me too?
i am so scared that this is it
then i feel patient as can be
then i feel reckless and confused
and then i dont know what to do
and a man strongly implied
that i was faking being sick
to somehow make music about something
where i dont know sh+t
and i was angry as i sat
in my pjs on the counter
in the late afternoon
having skipped school and a coward
told me to get therapy and get medicated well
both are things i eat for breakfast
both are things i need and h+ll
i am doing what i can and surviving so you know
i am singing bout my struggles
cus theyre mine to sing about

- blood girl lyrics

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