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blood girl - the bettering lyrics

poisoning my body with bad things
like telling me that i am not good even when i try
isnt that the same as doing drugs
getting addicted to not being enough
cause now i’m so used to always making myself smaller

than most
than others
the outside world as i see it
the people i interpret to being healthy and happier than i’ll ever be and
it is so sick to think people hate me
and kind of thinking that hey maybe
that would be best
cause i deserve to bе alone
i hate getting usеd to being depressed
i want to get used to feeling content
so i dont just accept this way i behave and can actually believe that things will be ok
if you’ve been untreated for 3 whole years
with therapists just screaming in your ears that nothing is wrong and that you’re not depressed
its hard to get the courage to go through that again
or believe in any positive thinking sh+t
even if thats probably better i think
i’d rather drink a smoothie than k!ll myself
or do some yoga or whatever they think will help
often doesnt help
but i know i am the responsible adult
when its in regards to my own being
i can’t pin everything on my new psychiatrist
take medication and think “now everything fixed”
i gotta wake up
i gotta go to school
i gotta take showers
and act like its all cool
i gotta treat myself like i’d treat a crying friend
tell her: hey dont worry, cus sadness will end
depression can be cured
and so can ocd
and so can many other mental illnesses, you see
nothing is permanent
and even if it is
its your responsibility to tackle that sh+t
which i know you can
which i know i can
with this amount of tough skin and these walls
i won’t let anything get to me i’ll claw my way out
i’m sometimes disappointed in how my life turned out
but existing’s kinda magical cause i can turn it around
with the help of my friends
and therapy and medication
but especially my friends
i feel strong enough to face it
and its the end of 2017
i hope by the end of 2018
this song won’t be so sad because i will look back and think
“holy sh+t i’m so proud of myself for surviving this”

- blood girl lyrics

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