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bloodhound gang - a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying lyrics

i was lonelier than kunta kinte at a merle haggard concert that
night
i strolled on
into uncle limpy’s hump palace lookin’ for love. it had been
a while. in
fact, three
hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that midnight run
haulin’
hog
to
shakey town on i-10. i had picked up this h-tchhiker that was
sweatin’
gallons
through a pair of daisy duke cut-offs and one of those fruit of the loom
tank-tops.
well, that night i lost myself to ruby red lips, milky white skin and
baby
blue eyes.
name was russell.
yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
well i find it’s quite a thrill
when she grinds me against her will
yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
well, faster than you can say, shallow grave, this pretty
little thing
come up to me
and starts kneadin’ my b-lls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
said
her
name was
bambi and i said, well that’s a coincidence darlin’,
’cause i was just
thinkin’ about
skinnin’ you like a deer. well she smiled, had about as
much teeth as a
jack-o-
lantern, and i went on to her how i would wear her face like a mask as i
do
my
little kooky dance. and then she told me to shush. i guess she could
sense
my des-
peration. ‘course, it’s hard to hide a hard-on when
you’re dressed like
minnie pearl.
yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
well i find it’s quite a thrill
when she grinds me against her will
yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
so, bambi’s goin’ on about how she can make all my fantasies
come true.
so i
says,
even this one i have where jesus christ is jackhammering mickey
mouse
in
the doo-
doo hole with a lawn dart as garth brooks gives birth to something
resembling a ched-
dar cheese log with almonds on santa claus’s tummy-tum?
well, ten
beers,
twenty
minutes and thirty dollars later i’m parkin’ the beef bus in
tuna town
if
you know what
i mean. got to nail her back at her trailer. heh. that rhymes. i have to
admit it
was even more of a turn-on when i found out she was doin’ me to
buy baby
formula.
yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
well i find it’s quite a thrill
when she grinds me against her will
yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
day or so had p-ssed when i popped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin
and
slide on into
the stinky pinky gulp n’ guzzle big rig snooze-a-stop. there i was
browsin’
through the latest issue of throb, when i saw bambi
starin’ at me from
the
back of
a milk carton. well, my heart just dropped. so, i decided to do what any
good
christian would. you can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half
gallon of moo
juice and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin’ seventy-five
in an
eighteen-
wheeler. i never thought missing children could be so s-xy. did i say
that
out loud?
yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
well i find it’s quite a thrill
when she grinds me against her will
yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’

- bloodhound gang lyrics

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