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blvck hippie - chairman drive lyrics

and yesterday i remembered why i always thought i was dead
it was just like the poster all the words he said
“i am your enemy, ’cause all i’ve ever known is the truth”
while you wallow in the ignorance, you always knew
and somehow in that i’m supposed to see myself
a kid who at the time was too afraid to ask for help
just the thought comes out all muddled in dirt
and smelling like new paint and the pressure of my dad’s name
the same old whs of “pilgrim’s progress”

not every loving arm is caring, not every “i love you”
makes you open up, i was five years old you picked me up
i remember how some thursdays it rained hard enough for her to cry
wonder if it ends today, the paranoia in the words she’d say
the lamb’s book is as soft as the church steps you’d lie down on
whispering your secrets trying to scare the hope away
and every day is the same oatmeal, the ironed pants, the feeling of shame
i don’t know if i’ll remember your name

it’s not all bad i know how to write my name how to m+ffle my screams
when she wakes me up, she said it’s all a movie with none of the acclaim
and in this i still can’t look him in the eye ’cause i’m scared he’ll know that
sometimes i can’t believe because everyone i miss he took away from me

and i don’t know what i’ll tell my daughter
i don’t know which way i thought was right
i want her to feel better than i do
most days she’ll know it’s always alright
’cause every night i’m up yelling at the same idea of god
that always haunts me
if you really love me why am i the only one awake
cutting myself wishing that you knew i felt lonely
i feel lonely

- blvck hippie lyrics

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