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bo burnham – catholic rap lyrics

all the seats at the sunday m-ss is
filled with the m-sses m-ss of -sses
cl-sses p-ss as fast as mol-sses
ceremonial reading gl-sses
read a little bit of leviticus
all the kids are a little too little for this
all the parents nod in agreement
i think i can vaguely see what he meant
it’s too early in the morning glory
to read another allegory story
the father reads a little bit farther
-ssuring the -ssured that they need not bother
when god, in verse 45, said that slaves were ok to buy
he meant that people all from the start
each have slaves within their hearts
things that we have sold or bought
that are forced to pick our moral cotton
god calls us to set these free
free our hearts in slavery
and as god goes on to explain
the logistics of buying and selling slaves

uh..he..the bible sorta like..uh..its like typos
didn’t..

in the back i sit and i nod
to the beats that are b-mpin’ from my ipod
my god they’re starting to pray
and over the music i can hear them say
dear god, dear lord,
dear vague muscular man with a beard or a sword
dear good all seeing being
my way or the highway yahweh
the blue balled anti m-st-rb-t-r
the great all loving f-ggot hater
i’d like to thank your holy might for
making me both rich and white and
though this is your day of rest
i come to you with one request
there’s so much pain beyond this steeple
wars and drugs and homeless people
sadness where there should be joy
hate and rape and soulja boy
a world in darkness needs your light
so i’m sure your schedules pretty tight
but my dog just had surgery
if you could fix that first?
jesus…

debra messing’s fingers in a holy place
hail mary full of grace
obama could you p-ss some hope to the pope
i know a couple dudes who wanna elope
see the church said nope so the bros can’t cope
the bros can grope but the bros can’t cope
they’ve been in love and they’ve been addicted
who said they shouldn’t benedict did
‘cuz in the holy land of the lord
is the holy landlord and d-cks are evicted
‘cuz you can be a benedict
if you’ve been a d-ck under benedict but
you can’t have been a d-cks
because there’s only one pope
with only one d-ck what
yeah a d-ck on a pope is
just like a soap on a rope
‘cuz it’s pointless unless in prison
throw up your bibles christ has risen
hallelujah now it’s raining men
because the gender ratio’s 1 to 10
winos at the eucharist station
transgendered substantiation
jesus wasn’t the messiah
get back i’m a heretic and i’m on fire
it was oedipus those holy nights
the holy mother f-cking christ
i’m a blasphemer post katrina cruisin’ the marina
on crusade to cruise aids and blast fema
you’re too late we’re f-cked we don’t need ya
amen. in the name of the father, son, and holy ghost
head shoulders knees and toes
turn up your nose strike that pose
heeeyyy macarena

- bo burnham lyrics

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