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bo burnham - making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich lyrics

[dramatic music playing]

[announcer]
and now… what making a peanut b+tter and jelly sandwich feels like when you’re high on marijuana

[suspenseful music playing, inaudible]

[music stops, applause]

[dramatic music playing]

[announcer]
and now… what making a peanut b+tter and jelly sandwich feels like… when you’re sh+t+faced

[slow rock music plays, inaudible]

[music stops, door opens]

[dialogue woman & bo burnham]
hey, baby, i’m home. honey, you okay? what’s wrong?
[inaudible]
are you drunk? have you been… you’ve been drinking, haven’t you? you’ve been f+ck… you’re f+cking wasted, aren’t…i can’t hear you. speak into the microphone
i’m not
what’s behind your back? what’re you holding behind your back?
itching
just…just don’t be
itchy back
what is, just show… what’re you hiding behind your back? just show me
it’s a jar of peanut b+tter, all right? sue me
that’s mayonnaise. that is a jar of mayonnaise. that is not peanut b+tter. why are you holding a jar of mayonnaise?
why are you holding a jar of mayonnaise?
i’m not holding a jar of mayonnaise
touché, b+tch
you know what? i am f+cking done with this sh+t, okay? i had to get up at 5:00 a.m., i had to be at work at 6:00, i had an exhausting day, i just wanna come home, unwind, relax, and i come home to a mess that i have to clean up
i’ll clean it up
no, no! i will have to clean it up. because you’ll make it worse if you try to, okay?
yeah
you know what? i’m f+cking done with this. you are so immature, i cannot leave you alone without you getting sh+t+faced
[simultaneously]
are you? she’s done. this is what i deal with monday through…monday
who are you talking to right now? you just gestured to the sink. what does that mean?
there’s an audience full of people
okay, you know what? this bit is getting a little too weird and meta. okay, we’re done with it
i agree. where’s that going? sometimes you don’t write an end to a bit, so you skip it. before they know it, you’re on to the next thing. guys, i was at the store recently
[scattered cheers]
and, uh, no, i will save you time. i bought something
[audience cheering]
no, no, no, no. no. sit in silence

- bo burnham lyrics

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