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bo burnham - new math (live) lyrics

this next song takes something that’s not that fun, math
and makes it, uh, offensive…

it’s new math, yeah
what’s a pirate minus the ship?
just a creative homeless guy
and an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant?
an ironic way to die
and what’s domain, domain, range?
a kid with too much in his pants
and two b-lls minus one
seven t-tles at the tour de france, yeah

gets worse

yo, split a decision with long division
take the circ-mference of your circ-mcision
live like your data, when you’re all set
put it all together and whatever ya get

it’s new math
it’s new math

and what’s a bag of chips divided by five?
well, that’s a nike worker’s meal
and santa clause multiplied by “i?”
well i guess that makes him real
and the square root of the nba is africa in a box
how do ya trace a scatter plot?
ya give the pencil to michael j. fox

whatever

take the approximate moral proportion of the probable problem of a pro-life abortion
live like your data, when you’re all set
put it all together and whatever ya get

it’s new
it’s new
it’s new
it’s new
it’s new math

and if you took a factor tree of the factors that caused my girl to leave me
you’d have a tree
full of asian p-rn
c-a-l see you later
mathematical minds make industrial smog
what’s the opposite of ln(x)?
duraflame the unnatural log

support the farmers with a pro-tractor
link kennedy and lincoln with a common factor
live like your data, when you’re all set
put it all together and whatever ya get

it’s new
it’s new
it’s new
alright, word problems, ready?

if there’s a fat guy in a pastry shop with a twenty dollar bill and he’s ready to buy
in order to predict his volume change you’ll need to know the value of pie
and there’s a metal train that’s a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her
how long till it reaches and k!lls the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor
and if ten percent of men are g-y
twenty percent of men are chinese
what are the odds that a man chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees?
and if kim is half as old as bobby
who is two years older than twelve-year-old tori
for how many more 30 day months will their threesomes be considered statutory rape?

’cause math can be s-xy

’cause having s-x is like quadratic expansion
if it can’t be split then its time to stop
and having s-x is like doing fractions
it’s improper for the larger one to be on top
and having s-x is like math homework
i do it best when i’m alone in my bed
and squaring numbers are just like women
if they’re under thirteen just do them in your head

new math

- bo burnham lyrics

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