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boris the sprinkler - drugs & masturbation (radio edit) lyrics

[spoken intro]

wesley willis: brothers and sisters, friends of the revolution, are you ready to testify? i’ll bring you a testimonial. behold the majesty of boris the sprinkler. kick out the jams, mothers and f+ckers!

rev. nørb: i’m gonna sing this motherf+cker in my stockinged feet

good evening ladies and gentlemen, neighbors of the wisconsin agricultural [?] support bureau, one+armed paper hangers, one+armed bandits, mysterious one+armed assassins, amateur asians, guys who crave [?], clone+craving blondes, nasty oriental newcomers, hardcore hermaphrodites, guys who give blood by [?], and representatives of the cook county multijurisdictional law enforcement task force

we are boris the sprinkler, and we hail from titletown, usa, glorious and cosmopolitan green bay, wisconsin, where we’ve been unilaterally lauded as the city’s greatest contribution to culture since the gold bond ice cream bars that come in the shapes of your favorite wwf superstars. and luckily for you, we dance just as good as we look

anyway, we’re gonna get tie+dyed, deep+fried, pie+eyed, and shanghaied tonight. and, anyway, [?] tonight, we’re keeping random tempos behind the drum set emblazoned with the proud visage of hong kong phooey with mister ronnie johnny kispert. that’s right, behind the drum set emblazoned with hong kong phooey ++the voice of which was provided by the late, great scatman crothers++ is ron kispert, and his hobbies include petty larceny, looking like danny partridge, and adjusting [?] dog collar

on the yellow bass we find the ill+strious eric “ancient chinese secret” lee. eric enjoys french fries, cheese pizza, macaroni and cheese, and owns a bike with no kickstand. so there

wielding a six+string element of destruction for this veritable 8+t+st+cl+d pogo machine is none other than paul “boris the” schroder, who eats plenty of red meat and was once stationed in germany with the army, where he once saw a stripped tantilizingly remove her panties only to reveal a p+n+s

and as far as for myself ++the voice of geek america++ my name is reverend norb, and you’re here with me now

[song begins]

those other people are not like me
and i don’t like them very much

went to see the vicar
to talk about me sticker
he warned me about self+abuse
and said my tool should get more use
he offered me a bottle
i bolted out full throttle
don’t need his whiskey or his wh0res
i has me fun behind closed doors
drugs and m+st+rbation
drugs and m+st+rbation
drugs and m+st+rbation for me
[x2]

the vicar tried to hug me
i don’t partake of b+gg+ry
nor do i go to topless bars with the guys from work
’cause i’d rather get stoned and jerk
’cause when i see them colors
then i don’t need no others
aye, in my bedroom i’m in heaven
from friday at five ’til monday at seven

drugs and m+st+rbation
drugs and m+st+rbation
drugs and m+st+rbation for me
[x2]

hare krsna hare krsna
krsna krsna hare hare
hare rama hare rama
rama rama hare hare

hare krsna hare krsna
krsna krsna hare hare
hare rama hare rama
[?]
drugs and m+st+rbation
gimme drugs and m+st+rbation
drugs and m+st+rbation for me
[x2]

for me [x3]

- boris the sprinkler lyrics

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