brandon rogers - waa (wap parody) lyrics
[intro: hall monitor helen]
there’s a river in these pants
there’s a river in these pants
there’s a river in these pants
there’s a river in my pants
[verse 1: hall monitor helen]
hall monitor by day
crossing guard by later in the day
only fans by night
if i could find a man who’s willing to pay
i hate all kids, they’ve got ass like faces
i steal their lunches so they know their places
―oh f+ck! this cheese went bad in july
now my bowels’ provoking
this p+ssy is dry, but this ass is soaking
i don’t got a hall pass, but i’ll jump on a toilet anyhow
if you plan on eating this ass, better plan on drinking it now
[hook 1: hall monitor helen]
so grab a mop and a priest for this wet ass ass
toilet paper won’t do sh+t for my wеt ass ass
you’ll need a lifeguard and a floatie for my wet ass ass
if you can smеll, i’ll turn you queer with this wet ass ass
[verse 2: cathy]
you’re talking to momma, now
my p+ssy earned me that title
it pops out more mistakes
than a fifth grade recital
i don’t care about your kids, b+tch!
i don’t care about mine
my p+ssy’s wrecked and now it looks like it was written by r.l. stine
but i keep this ass wet when i’m scrubbing my kitchen
because i use my ass and hole when i’m scrubbing ‘n pinching
so if you see this ass wet, you know momma’s got a clean kitchen
and if you try and dry me off, i’ll grab your assh0l+ and start stitching
[hook 2: cathy]
i clean up all my problems with this wet ass ass
tell noah to load his ark, ’cause momma’s got a wet ass ass
fed my baby taco bell, and ―woo! wet ass ass
if you talk back i’m wash your mouth out with this wet ass ass
[verse 3: bryce tankthrust]
look at me, worship me, on your knees
can’t you see my panties are filled with big d+ck energy
i make money and i get d+ck, too
your husband’s d+ck is the last i screwed
we f+cked for one minute but he came for five
paramedics asked if he’s dead or alive
i have thirsty employees
they’re paid so much, they eat my ass for free
[hook 3: bryce tankthrust]
if you wanna get on my good side, then eat this ass
if you wanna taste my good side, oh, then eat my ass
if want a raise then―b+tch you’re gonna get ass your f+cking ass and earn it with hard work and showing up on time, motherf+cker!
―and then you’re gonna eat this ass!
as if you took a class
on how to finish me fast
i don’t wanna be hearing no sass
[hook 4: all]
now grab a boat and say your prayers ’cause i got a wet ass ass
maybe i peed, maybe i didn’t, that’s my wet ass ass
i’m not going into labor, that’s a wet ass ass
and if your laps are chapped, just kiss this wet ass ass
[outro: hall monitor helen]
there’s a river in these pants
there’s a river in these pants
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