brentalfloss - if there ever were a species for whom sex hurt lyrics
if there ever were a species for whom s-x hurt
it surely went extinct long ago
now, the tomcat’s p-n-s, well, it’s barbed like a cactus
but the screams are just for show
and when a bed bug is matin’, well, he stabs her while he’s batin’
and inseminates the open wound
now i’ve never had s-x with an actual person
but i sure hope i find one soon
i don’t know much about evolution
and i don’t know much about girls
just my dog, my god, my gun and a bottle o’ bud
i also don’t know much about anatomy
and i haven’t seen much of the world
but i kinda figure s-x feels like wr-sslin’ with a pig in the mud
at least i hope so
but if there ever were a species for whom s-x hurt
it surely went extinct long ago
when praying mantises are bedded, well, the male gets beheaded
but i-i’m sure he likes it, though
and when a squirrel in his hut finds a girl and busts a nut
well, he kinda sorta glues her shut
(what?) look it up!
i’ve never left the carolinas, never seen a real v-g-n-
i, i -ssume it’s just like a tiny little b-tt, right?
but if there ever were a species for whom s-x hurt
it surely went extinct long ago
i don’t go to the dentist, and i don’t know what consent is
but there’s always room to grow
and if there’s a situation where the act of copulation
would be anything but rip-roarin’ fun
maybe somethin’ could persuade me if’n i could just get laid
before i turn seventy-one
next year!
before i turn seventy-one
i’m old!
and i do not understand s-x
nope
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