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brian stokes mitchell - how to handle a woman lyrics

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blast you, merlin! this is all your fault!
you swore that you had taught me everything from a to zed
with nary an omission in between
well, i shall tell you what
you obviously forgot
that’s how a ruler rules a queen!

and what of teaching me by turning me to animal and bird?
from beaver to the smallest bobolink
i should have had a whirl
to change into a girl
to learn the way the creatures think!

but wasn’t there a night
on a summer, long gone by
we passed a couple wrangling away
and did i not say ‘merlin, what if that chap were i?’
and did he not give counsel and say
what was it now? my mind’s a wall
oh, yes, by jove, now i recall

‘how to handle a woman?
there’s a way, ‘ said the wise old man
‘a way known by ev’ry woman
since the whole rigmarole began.’
‘do i flatter her?’ i begged him answer
’do i threaten or cajole or plead?
do i brood or play the g+y romancer?’
said he, smiling: ’no indeed

how to handle a woman?
mark me well, i will tell you, sir
the way to handle a woman
is to love her, love her, love her.’

mark me well, i will tell you, sir
the way to handle a woman
is to love her, simply love her, merely love her, love her, love her.’

- brian stokes mitchell lyrics

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