broadway karkat - a gristmas carol (bonus track) lyrics
+”deck the halls” starts playing+
here’s your chance to sing along now
share these lyrics with a chum or two
raise your voice in yuletide song, now
all the tunes are old, the words are new
+music switches to “jingle bells”+
someone please explain
caroling to me
is the purpose not
to make someone’s ears bleed?
what is the appeal
in such cheery songs
why don’t we just toss the score and sing the lyrics wrong!?
gristmas songs
gristmas songs
f+ck ’em up real good!
maybe if we’re lucky, we’ll disturb the neighborhood!
gristmas songs
gristmas songs
screech ’em till you’re ho+rs+!
it might not be wise to do this publicly, of course…
+music switches to “good king wenceslas”
ugly sweater shopping time
just don’t tell kanaya!
dave rigged his with leds
so it lights up brightly
blinking words on scratchy wool
must endure this sh+t nightly…
+music switches to “joy to the world”+
+ahem+
joy to the world
except for john!
+music switches to “here we come a+wassailing”
there goes terezi with wayward vagabond again
scribbling on the walls
since i can’t remember when
but whatever they wreck
or if there’s no blank meteor left
i’ll protect my precious dvds with everything i have
lest “the santa clause” fall into the wrong hands!
+music switches to “o christmas tree”+
this one’s gonna be my magnum opus!
o, ancestors
o, ancestors
why are you all dysfunctional?
o, ancestors, why can’t you see
the rightful leader of this team
o, ancestors
o, ancestors
it’s either this or kankri!
the grand finale was written by and used with her permission!
+music switches to “the twelve days of christmas”
+ahem+
on the twelfth day of my matesprit gave to me…
twelve rippling hoofbeats
eleven frogs a+leaping
nine cans of faygo
eight spiders spinning
seven paraplegics
six revving chainsaws…
+breath+
fiiiiiiiiiiiiiive f+ckasseeeees
four cuttlefish
three sharp claws
two sets of stairs
and a scalebeast hanging from the treeeee!
+music switches to “we wish you a merry christmas”
and now, in the true spirit of gristmas, i shall now complain!
i can’t believe i wasted
four whole minutes of my precious lifetime
on singing stupid christmas carolllls…
seriously, what is wrong with me?
now please leave me aloooone!
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