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bryant oden - the (not exactly) nursery rhyme song lyrics

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hickory d+ckory dock
the mouse ran up the clock
so did the cat
and that was that
’til the mouse put it in a headlock

jack and jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
at the top was her dad
who seemed pretty mad
and said, “jack, stay away from my daughter!”

little bo peep
has lost her sheep
and doesn’t know where to find them
hey, here they are
driving off in her car
and the sheepdogs are driving behind them

jack be nimble, jack be quick
jack jump over the candlestick
but if you don’t jump a little higher
don’t blame the flamе if your pants are on fire

little miss m+ffеt
sat on a tuffet
i don’t know what that means
along came a spider
who sat down beside her
is it true there’s a fly in most jeans?
hey diddle diddle
the cat and the fiddle
the cow jumped over the moon
but he had to piddle
right in the middle
and now the poor moon is in ruin

old mother hubbard
went to the cupboard
to get her poor doggie a bone
she slipped on a crack
landed flat on her back
and sadly broke three of her own

baa baa black sheep
have you any wool?
“yes, sir, yes, sir
three bags full”
three bags full?
that’s quite a lot
“they’re just teabags
so it’s really not”

star light
star bright
first star i see tonight
oops, i’m wrong!
that isn’t in sp+ce
it’s my pet firefly
right in front of my face
roses are red
violets are blue
just in case that’s helpful to you
but keep in mind
if you look, you’ll find
half the time, it’s not even true!

simple simon
met a pieman
going to the fair
said simple simon
to the pieman
“your pies give my dad too much air!”

there was an old woman
who lived in a shoe
i highly suspect
that isn’t quite true
unless it was the size
of a nice little house
or the woman was half
of the size of a mouse

humpty dumpty sat on a wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
all the king’s horses and all the king’s men
scrambled him up with some bacon and gin… ger ale
rain, rain, go away
come again another day
fine, ignore my kind request
you’re such a spoiled, annoying pest!

this little piggy went to market
this little piggy stayed home
this little piggy had roast beef
at a five+star restaurant in rome

all around the mulberry bush
the monkey chased the weasel
the weasel ran as fast as it could
but the monkey drove a diesel

do you know the m+ffin man?
i think he took my m+ffin pan
i saw it in his m+ffin pan
he’s such a dreary pain!

i think that’s probably long enough
at least that’s my best guess
you can’t make the classics
much more fantastic
but you can turn them into a mess!

you can’t make the classics
much more fantastic
but you can turn them into a mess!

- bryant oden lyrics

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