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bulldog productions - 95 theses rap lyrics

if you havin’ church problems then don’t blame god, son
i got ninety-five theses but the pope ain’t one

verse 1
listen up, all my people, it’s a story for the telling
‘bout the sin and injustice and corruption i been smelling:
i met that homie tetzel, then i started rebelling
once i seen the fat indulgences that he been selling
now the catholics of the world straight up disgracin’ me
just because i waved my finger at the papacy
my people got riled up over this reformation
that’s when leo threatened me with excommunication
i warned y’all that rome best agree to the terms
if not, then you can eat my diet of worms!
you think you done something spectacular?
i wrote the whole bible in the vernacular!
a heretic! [what?] someone throw me a bone
you forgot salvation comes through faith alone
i’m on a mission from god. you think i do this for fun?
i got ninety-five theses but the pope ain’t one
save me!

chorus
ninety-five theses but the pope ain’t one
if you havin’ church problems then don’t blame god, son
i got ninety-five theses but the pope ain’t one

verse 2
one five one seven that’s when it first went down
then the real test was when it started spreading around
sixty days to recant what i said? father, please!
you’ve had, what? goin’ on fifteen centuries?
oh snap, he’s messin’ with the holy communion
but i ain’t never dissed your precious hypostatic union!
one place at one time. well, thank you zwingli
yeah, way to disregard that whole i’m god thingy!
getting all up in my rosary you little punk
your momma shoulda told you not to mess with no monk
what you bumpin’ me for? suddenly you sore
keep that up, you’ll have yourself another peasant war
you blame common folk for the smack they talkin’
you ain’t even taught them proper christian doctrine
with my hat, my bible, and my s-xy little nun
i got ninety-five theses but the pope ain’t one
save me!

chorus

verse 3
when i wrote the ninety-five, haters straight up -ssailed ‘em
now they only care whether or not i nailed ‘em or mailed ‘em
they got psycho-n-lytic. now everyone’s a critic
and getting on my case just because i’m anti-semitic
i’ve come back from obscurity to teach y’all a lesson
cuz someone here still ain’t read their augsburg confession
i said catholicism brings a life of excess
and we all remember what went down with philip of hesse!
but you forgot about me and my religious demonstration?
like you can just create your own denomination?
we don’t like this part, so well just add a little twist
now we anglican, amish, and even calvinist
i gave you the power, you gone and abused it
i gave you god’s truth, you just confused it
don’t you never underestimate the stuff that i done
i got 95 theses but the pope ain’t one
save me!

chorus

shout out to johann gutenberg… i see you baby

- bulldog productions lyrics

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