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caanan's banana - the bob mugabe song lyrics

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i’m a psychopath
my name is bob mugabe
i’m deh number one!;
banana in zimbabwe
i haven’t got a clue
so i blame everything on you!
and da whities from london to harare!” –

bob’s your uncle, bob’s your auntie;
bob’s your man, and bob’s your dad!
bob’s the long lost relative;
you never knew you had!

he’s mean, he’s rude, he’s ugly;
and he’s been there too long now!
he stole the last election
and he’s married to a cow!

p.w.’s black brother, –
he’s the man that time forgot!
if he ever does any wrong
it’s all a racist plot!
the father of the nation;
who abuses all his kids!
he took a wealthy country;
and he put it on the skids!

waahoo! hahahahaha!

down near the tip of africa
there’s terror in the air
the tinpot tyrant rule the roost
his country, worse for wear!
bob gabriel mugabe;
got a lot to answer for
’cause he the presidential crook
who can’t defy the law!

n-body goes to work today
’cause unemployments rife!
moyo lies, –
the press complies
bob’s president for life!

of course he won’t capitulate
of course he won’t resign!
there’s plenty diamonds in the congo
he still plans to mine!

bob’s your uncle, bob’s your auntie;
bob’s your man, and bob’s your dad!
bob’s chased away the farmers
but he’s really not that bad!

who cares about economy
the famine or the war!?
“bob say: any-time we like”
“we come back, we take more!”
“democracy, zimbabwe style!”
“oh what a wondrous thing!”
gaddafi pays our petrol bills, –
“mbeki lets us sing!” –
“bob cook deh books! bob steal da show! bob make sure dat he wins! some say dat bob the punishment for all africa’s sins!”

waahoo!

h-m-phobia, megalomania;
ignorance and cheek!
hypocrisy, dishonesty;
dictator-of-the-week!
“what human rights? what dignity!?
da dignity is mine!
play deh game, do tings my way
i’m sure we’ll get on fine!”

so what’s this quiet diplomacy;
how long must people weep!?
it can’t be right to let bob run
zimbabwe in his sleep!
’cause he’s run it into ruin;
and he’s run it into debt…
if only bob mugabe
hadn’t run for president…

the lands would all be planted
there’d be food upon the shelf
the un aid that does arrive
he keeps all to himself!
we wouldn’t have to queue for fuel
we’d all be pretty safe;
from zanu thugs with bloodshot eyes
from smoking too much scafe! –

what brought him to our country?
someone throw the b-st-rd out!
perhaps a g-y, white farmer;
could come give this clot a clout
and when his days are over
and they’ve locked him in a cell…

we’ll create a new single:
mugabe, go to h-ll!

the lands would all be planted
there’d be food upon the shelf!
the un aid that does arrive
he keeps all to himself!
we wouldn’t have to queue for fuel
we’d all pretty safe…
from zanu thugs with bloodshot eyes
from smoking too much scafe!
from zanu thugs with bloodshot eyes
from smoking too much scafe!
from zanu thugs with bloodshot eyes
from smoking too much scafe

hahahahahaha
so what’s scafe, ‘en?
“make it before the cops take it!”

[lyrics transcribed by the ghost of ian smith in july of 2019]

–
stanzas marked with (“) are sung as mugabe, and are transliterated

p.w. stands for pieter willem botha, a south african president

jonathan moyo was a spokesman for zanu-pf

muammar gaddafi was a leader of libya who mixed socialism with military junta rule, which was very similar to mugabe’s style of leadership

thobo mbeki was a post-apartheid south african president, he was a member of the anc, which mixed socdems, socialists, and black nationalists into one party

scafe is a term for weed, which was and is a popular drug among the black population of zimbabwe, and att-tudes toward it are some of the most positive in africa

zanu, short for zanu-pf, the zimbabwean african national union – popular front was the unified party of opposition against the rhodesian army. it eventually reformed itself into a structure similar to the soviet union’s cpsu, which ensured a tight hold on the military through the party

- caanans banana lyrics

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