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calvin stephano - nighthawk lyrics

who i was was reckless
i wish this nighthawk would let me sleep
i don’t ask for forgiveness

but for you to leave my dreams
i’m a better person now
i’ve been working on my faults
feel like i’ve accepted it
but then summer night falls

the popcorn ceiling stares me down
i f+cked up, yes i did
i’m so sorry i hurt you
i own up to all of it
maybe they’re right:
these things are skewed
they say i’m too hard on myself
but i’m so confused

and i go so quickly from feeling great
to not knowing why i feel like sh+t

see, i’ve written many letters that i never tried to send
’cause reaching out years later might replay her distress
yet a good apology might help those old wounds mend
and maybe honesty might help her make some sense of it
sure, alright
so i’ve been thinking about it for a really long time
i said sorry poorly before, this time it’s what is right
i owe it to her to properly apologize
and now i wait
she says, “you hurt me too much to accept it but thanks”
and that’s okay
please be okay

through the years i have grown
but honestly right now,
i think i’d rather self+loathe
relapse and indulge
how i feel is on me
i immaturely imposed unhealthy ideas of love
i’m a lonely kid, day dreamer,
lame heart, but way weaker,
i thought she could save me and that i should’ve been enough to save her
and i wish we had first met later, now i have more self+love
but who am i to forgive myself for her hurt when it’s her hurt, huh?
things the memories ruin: hobbies, food and rest
and i keep taking pain pills for this pain in my chest
they don’t really help ’cause i still can’t get out of my bed
i re+obsess over what i worked hard to repress

i wanna cry but i got too good at keeping it in
i need a scarecrow for the bird perched on my window sill
gotta think of the light, when the sun will shine again
oh please let me go, let me be

- calvin stephano lyrics

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