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cameron hinkle - hi nf... lyrics

hi nate…
let me just say that i’m pretty much at my lowest point
my life is like a flipping coin
i’m tired of letting people down
i need the noises to get out
all i need is someone to make me smile
but she is far away for miles
every night i stay awake and cry
but in return everyone makes a sigh
i’m in so much pain i can’t think straight
life is the hook and i’m the bait
i’m tired of living every day like it’s the last
just everytime everyone in the past
i hate myself for who i am
and when i express myself, people tell me to scram
every time i try to cope
but how can you do that with no hope?
every day is a struggle for myself
especially with all the things i’ve dealt
i’m trying to make people provoke it
but it’s hard i’m trying to focus
i want so bad to send a post card
give it love from all my heart
every night i lie in bed
i go to sleep with so much stress
just take me now, please i’m in pain
so, what’s more there is to gain?
i hide my inner demons under the clothes
while everyone else is putting on a show
yeah, i’ve experienced things no one should
i’d take it all back if i could
i pace around my own room at night
i battle a lot of voices i’m trying to fight
my parents are not doing so good either
i’m so down it’s worse than a fever
depression can take a toll on a person
especially when it gets very worsened
when i stepped through those terrifying doors
expecting pain and bore
but what i got was friends and family
but now, man, i feel so shakily
yeah, we’re in the club now
trying to fit in, but i don’t know how
picking at my nails nervous to the bone
everyone here is getting real low
all because they saw my face
which to me is a big disgrace
but they told me that we were gonna go up real high
so much so that you’ll be able to fly
“what’s wrong, can’t you talk?”
is what they said
but all i did was nod my head
up and down holding them tears back
cause i know deep down i’m fat
but they understood what i was going through
they knew how bad i hated food
but they accepted me for who i am
they accepted me, they brought in sam
let me say that i’m thankful for life
more than back then when i picked up the knife
no more isolating alone in my room
but i know we’ll become friends very soon
basic math adds up to this day
what more is there to say?
man, no more k!lling myself on the inside
no more k!lling myself up in my mind
now i’m getting post cards in the mail
asking me if i have yet to fail
i say in my head that there’s no way
i’ve said too much man too much to say
i’m happy now i’m living a married life
my life is up in the sky like a kite
so, when i’m feeling down i know i can
cause i’m a good person, i am sam
yeah, i’m big, and i wish i went back to looking sick
i would eat my food very quick
look at myself and think i’m thick
i would spend hours touching my body trying to pick
i just want to hit myself with a brick
how can i get skinnier? is there a trick?
but i want to move on and get over it

- cameron hinkle lyrics

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